Do You Make This Common Leadership Mistake? Take 2

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The scenario I mention in the video is a common one facing people who are thrust into a leadership role. It goes deeper than the old saying power corrupts, rather, the power builds weakness in the one who wields it unless you know what to watch out for, and stay vigilant to make sure you dont fall into the same trap.

The problem that I fell into was this:

I relied on my position to force compliance, instead of using my relationship to inspire respect.

In doing so, I bred weakness within myself, coming to rely on an external position instead of my own internal strength and relationships. By forcing people to follow, instead of being the type of person that they wanted to follow, I dramatically decreased my effectiveness as a leader. There are several techniques you can use to keep your focus on the relationship, instead of on compliance.

2 Ways to Keep Focus on the Relationship

1. Dont Take it Personally

Oftentimes, as a leader, we take dissent as an affront to our authority or character we take it personally. This can cause us to focus on proving ourselves or putting them in their place, which detracts from the relationship. Instead, when you get dissent, dissassociate the dissenters behavior from yourself, and ask yourself why theyre feeling and acting the way they are. From there, you can solve the problem in a way that will affirm the dissenter.

2. Remember the Emotional Bank Account

Sometimes, we rely on our position simply because it seems like too much work to reach out to a person, after all, its faster just to tell them what to do. In situations like these, it can help to remember that every time you borrow power from your position, youre making a withdrawal from the emotional bank account (Credit Stephen Covey). It may be faster to do it that way, but do it consistently and one day youre gonna get an overdraft charge, in the form of small or large acts of mutiny.

What Now?

Are you in a leadership position right now, formally or informally? Can you think of a recent situation where you borrowed power from your position instead of the relationship? Make a commitment right now to use the techniques mentioned above to become a better leader, and start by apologizing for the mistake you made. Be sure to let me know how it turns out in the comments!

Cheers,
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Hey guys this is Matt from lifeofmatt.net, the site for people who are sick of having lives that are merely above average. Today I'm going to be talking about leadership, and more specifically, I'm going to be talking about how not to be a leader. I'm going to be talking about a situation, back in high school, my senior year.

I had been on the wrestling team throughout high school, had been wrestling since before then, and, I had some skill. I had rapport with the younger wrestlers, and, for the first three months or so, when we had not yet chosen the captain, I was basically looked up to as an ad-hoc captain. I didn't have any of the power, but because I had good relationships and treated people right, and knew what I was doing, I had ad-hoc leadership on the time.

Now, about three months in, we voted on captain, and unsurprisingly, I got the captain position. So things were going great, then there started to be a little bit of trouble on the team. One of the people who had not got voted for captain, decided it would be a good idea to turn the team against us.

Now, this is a situation where a good leader could really shine. If they're able to overcome that adversity and overcome that dissent, it can really bring the group together. However, I was in high school, I wasn't that mature yet, I didn't know what I was doing, and I fucked it up. Instead of using that relationship, using my knowledge, using my rapport, to overcome the problem, I used my position.

I'm captain, do pushups.
I'm captain, do laps.
I'm captain, shut the hell up.

I used that title, that power, for things it's not supposed to be used for. I used it in place of the relationship instead of using it in addition to the relationship.

And what happens when you borrow power from your position, instead of frame the relationship, is that the relationship begins to deteriorate. So, throughout that senior year, the relationship became worse and worse and worse. I could no longer coach or mentor the kids, all I could do was tell them what to do, which is not a great place to be in for a leader.

I want you guys to take a look at that story, because I think there's a really key piece of advice in there, which is this: Never ever ever borrow power from your title or from your position. If you want power, it always has to come from that relationship. The title is supplementary, it is never your main motivator. I hope you guys enjoyed the video, talk to you later guys... bye.

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[Itshalffull]

Thanks Ivan! :)

[IvanPR008]

WAY better. This time I could watch it entirely.

It was a pitty that the other was so poor because the content is great. Well, you've learnt and that's good.

I can only relate to the story. And, although wushu has no captain like wrestling, my master had given me the leadership of the classes. The unofficial leadership. The skills and knowledge gap between others an me is of years. I made the same mistake you did and also learn from it.

It's funny to see how we are similar, again.

:-iván