Edward Cullen is a Danger To You

++ LYRICS AND MOAR ++

Written just after I finished reading all of the books (I felt I had to, at some point?)

And I haven't posted anything on youtube for forever, so have decided to come back by offending half of the internet in one go. Might as well.



Edward Cullen's got a strange little secret,
Edward Cullen has got skin as hard as granite,
Edward Cullen - see, he glitters in the sun,
And he can run as fast as lightning and he'll maybe read your mind as well.

Edward Cullen, oh the story's getting stranger,
Edward Cullen has some quirky little habits,
And by quirky I mean really fucking creepy,
He'll break into your room and stare at you as you drift off to sleep.

Edward Cullen, he's real flippin sexy,
But Edward Cullen is unusual for his age
And by his age I mean one hundred and nine -
Because that's a pretty epic time to not have gotten laid

Edward Cullen is really quite exclusive,
Edward Cullen won't touch you 'til you're married,
You see Twilight - it was written by a mormon,
So my verdict is that Twilight is brainwashing on a massive scale.

You see the moral of this story if you dared to read this far,
Is that vampires are attractive but you certainly should wait for sex,
though if I were you I would refrain from having sex at all --

Because at one point you'll fall pregnant with some vampire spawn of satan and have it chewed out of your stomach by your adoring vampire boyfriend.

Category:

Music

Tags:

• edward
• cullen
• song
• twilight
• parody
• twlight
• sucks
• Edward
• Cullen
• Has
• Stupid
• Face

[SableCaught]

Awesome, but it's quite hard to hear your voice over the uke sometimes.

[Kewen]

@SableCaught Yeah next time I'll move the microphone or maybe just not hit the uke so hard...

[omiolo2]

I can't stop staring at the hair, did you say something?

[occodrum]

THIS IS A MASTERPIECE AND DESERVES MY CAPS AND EVENTUALLY MORE VIEWS.

[greyoldfellow]

Your voice is golden. Gracias por existir.

[thexkiller5]

girl from where did buy the hat? looks cool(in a weird way)

[Annaphantasma]

Haha, this is ingenious

[alkleiza1995]

nice haircut

[doyoulikesprinkles]

Yeah, that's all quite disgusting. I don't know how anybody can be a fan of it after knowing all that. Or after seeing the first movie. Or reading any of it. So, yeah.

REEEally funny song, tho!!

[xhattycatx]

anyone else think sod the song, stare at the hair amd think wtf???

[ColdestBeauty]

Did anybody else see that coming?

Because I certainly fucking didin't

I swear it's worth reading all of the other books just to get to that point and be like "Holy shit,

What was she thinking?"

When I first read it I thought maybe someone had cleverly replaced all of the pages in the book with some bizarrely subversive fanfiction.

And then a werewolf falls in love with a baby and we're all supposed to be like "Oh okay, that's quite cool!"

No it fucking isn't.

I'm your 1000th viewer!

[RaelXan]

lool i fucking love this song! rofl at edward cullen (may his soul burn in hell grrr)