A woman's battle ~ All caught up

Every Christian Women's Battle is to die to self yet not to lose self woth & esteem. To die to self with out being stripped of her God given beauty! I wrote this to my children May 8 2005. Not nessasarily for them to read but to tuck it away among the photos and their art projects. Today my seventeen year old daughter grows with a child inside of her. She is growing just as much emotionally. I am watching my daughter develop a new and beautiful understanding that there is another life to consider other then her self. The letter I wrote reads in part... I say with love and with care having children will change your life. If you girls were all grown and I was giving you advise on being a mother I would say that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal but becoming a mother will leave you with an emotional wound so raw that you will forever be vulnerable. The funny thing is your not grown and you have yet to understand what lies ahead. When she sees pain and suffering, children of abuse and even homelessness and poor nutrition she sees her children's faces and knows she cannot turn away. She has to do something. When I could afford carefully manicured nails and stylish suits I knew no matter how sophisticated I looked becoming a mother will reduce me to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. I want you children to know that no matter how many years you invest in you career as a mother you will be professionally derailed by motherhood. No matter how many arrangements made for the children, daycare and such one-day you will go into a business meeting and every ounce of discipline will be needed to keep from running home just to make sure your children are all right. Every day decisions will no longer be routine. Like a five year old little boy who no longer wants to go in to the women's bathroom but rather he wants to go into the mans. Suddenly going shopping for a few things becomes a major dilemma. Right there and right then, in the midst of shoppers and store clerks, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be in the bathroom. That no matter how decisive she is, how well she does and performs at the office she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother. I wish I could give understanding to my children that when I look back at my young attractive pictures before I had you. I want to assure them that eventually I will have shed the pounds of pregnancy, and illness but I will never feel the same about myself. That my life, in those pictures, which seemed at the time, was of such importance would be of less value to me once I had my first child. Through different shades of lipstick and nail polish it was you who I wore proudly. Oh what I would and have given up in a moment to provide for you, save you or to protect you. At the same time when fighting for my life with cancer I cried out to God for more time. Not to accomplish my dreams but to watch you children accomplish yours. I bear the mark of my sons birth with one little stretch mark on my tummy. That mark became a badge of honor not a flaw as some would see it. Some day when my daughters get married. I wish for my daughters a man that they can love even more because he was careful to powder the baby or a man who never hesitates to play with his child. I pray she have a helper and lover. I pray that as my children grow they will see what we all lacked and what we were up against. Not to wallow in it but to know simply the truth. I want my children to understand even the difficult things that happen around them must be seen and dealt with and called what it is. But in the midst of all this truth I want them to decide to love, forgive and live with integrity any ways. I want my children to know that being a mom is a blessed gift from God and I have stumbled my way into the most wonderful of callings . That they will some day know and reflect on God gave me them small and helpless. There were no instructions ..only choices. I taught you how to pray knowing I could not meet all your needs. I stood firmly in a stance of protection even when you resented me for it. I gave you the gift of the knowledge of Jesus because I know he'll be there for you when I cannot. At this moment in the midst of this mothers day wound heaven looks deep into my heart and the voices around me fade and I hear a God who love me and calls me his brave heart and I know being a mom means being brave yet never getting a parade to acknowledge it or a letter or badge to reveal it. I hear a God say unto me his daughter HAPPY HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! And in this quiet place of peace the importance is. I am!

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[cymbeli]

I love your letter. You hit the nail with the hammer on so many things and you reminded me of so many situations with my own daughter..thanks for sharing and God bless you!!