Mourning the Narcissist

Everything you Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq1.html

At the commencement of the relationship, the Narcissist is a dream-come-true. He is often intelligent, witty, charming, good looking, an achiever, empathetic, in need of love, loving, caring, attentive and much more. He is the perfect bundled answer to the nagging questions of life: finding meaning, companionship, compatibility and happiness. He is, in other words, ideal.

It is difficult to let go of this idealized figure. Relationships with narcissists inevitably and invariably end with the dawn of a double realisation. The first is that one has been (ab)used by the narcissist and the second is that one was regarded by the narcissist as a disposable, dispensable and interchangeable instrument (object).

The assimilation of this new gained knowledge is an excruciating process, often unsuccessfully completed. People get fixated at different stages. They fail to come to terms with their rejection as human beings -- the most total form of rejection there is.

We all react to loss. Loss makes us feel helpless and objectified. When our loved ones die -- we feel that Nature or God or Life treated us as playthings. When we divorce (especially if we did not initiate the break-up), we often feel that we have been exploited and abused in the relationship, that we are being "dumped", that our needs and emotions are ignored. In short, we again feel objectified.

(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html)

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• divorce
• abandonment
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• mourning
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[Riversleigh1]

I don't feel sorry for people grieving for narcs, because what they are really grieving for is the lie the narc sold. Wake up

[CeltsClaire]

... it hurts so much, when you realize that you were just one of many forms of NS (narcissistic supply)... you are human, with real feelings, a heart ... yet to them, you are truly no different than any other form of NS ... it is true, you are nothing more than a disposable object... when they realize you will not give them what they want any more.

[FitFabAnd40]

@TheGregcole1 Very true. I have posted videos about the pain narcissists can cause. All the best.

[TheGregcole1]

Well spoken Dr. Vaknin, I've been trying to let go now for over a month, and this is the hardest phase. I've done all I can to get over it quicker, but nothing is working still. I will have to accept it one day soon and get rid of this sadness buried deep down. Things were great in the beginning, although I always saw the red flags. I must move on and heal properly. Thanks for sharing. You truly do understand this and are very talented.

[amylyatube]

@Riversleigh1 Sounds like you know---who is asking you to feal sorry for them?...did you watch the video and listen?

[Cneumann22]

A young narcissistic chiropractor. befriended me and then molested me one day out of the blue. Earlier he asked me to be his financial mentor - gaining my trust. I was in shock because I am 30 yrs older than he. After his repeated contacts requesting a fresh start, I informed the owners of the practice and he was fired. I am now entering the acceptance phase and getting stronger each day. Previously I didn't know about narcissists. Recovery takes a long time. Thank you for your vids.

[AmandyPants]

So true. I never thought mine was smarter than me though. I felt bad for him for being socially retarded. But I totally am going through the four stages. Mine is ignoring me, while not letting me know what his plans are, so I have 2 kids, no money, and he's contacted everyone I know taking half truths and using lies, trying to turn them against me. My own mother, my Dr... This is after completely humiliating me and embarrassing me of course first. Nightmare. those who don't know can't imagine.

[TheAfroQween]

@CeltsClaire Yes, especially when it is your parents.

[DrmCom2003]

The victim grieves the loss of a dream not a lie. A person's dream that comes true without having to resort to hard work, is one of the best ways a narcissist will entrap you. It opens a dark hole for the person who becomes dependable on the narcissist to complete that dream primilarly because the victim allows it to happen after being persuaded!

[MediahUnleashed]

@Riversleigh1 Have you been in a relationship with a Narc? The griever is coping with a loss. It may be a loss of a lie, a facade, or a false sense of understanding. But the loss is very real. It is very painful. Don't victimize the victim.