You Haven't Tasted It Yet, Dear

And, thundering on through the Bring the Song backlog, here is what I suppose must be April's entry. It's a jolly little number about dealing with the occasional little niggles that crop up in even the happiest of relationships while retaining one's cheerfulness. Nearly.

We never seem to talk anymore, (F, Dm)
And there's no trace of affection in your eyes these days (Bb)
When you look at me, only (C)
Contempt, and frankly I'm unsure (F, Dm)
What I saw in you in the first place, 'cos I can't see it anymore. (Bb, C)
We had some good times together; (Bb, F)
At least, I suppose we must have done. (Bb, F)
Though, having said that, now I'm struggling to remember (Bb, F)
Anything I'd go quite so far as to describe as fun. (G, C)

So I'm goin to have to kill you, I'm afraid. (F, E, Eb, D, D7)
I've not decided how yet, I might bash your head in with a spade, (Gm, C7)
Or poison you, or feed you to a tiger, (F, E, Eb, D, D7)
Or push you off a precipice on the north face of the Eiger. (Gm, C7, F, C7, F)

It's fair to say we get on like a house on fire;
Sirens, horror, people running screaming for their lives.
There must be something better to which we can aspire.
I think we'd get along much better if you joined the heavenly choir,
Or maybe the saxophone ensemble down in Hell;
I'm not that fussed about your destination.
Feel free to join an accordion group in purgatory
Just so long as you give up this tedious habit of respiration.

'Cos I'm goin to have to kill you, I regret.
I might attack you with an axe and see how frenzied I can get,
Or quickly throttle you, and thus fulfil my wishes,
Or give you a concrete overcoat and send you sleeping with the fishes.

I'm gonna have to make my mind up pretty soon.
The longer I can't make a decision, the longer you are still alive,
And when you're not, it will be a tremendous boon.
Frankly, having let you last this long, I feel like a buffoon.
Not least 'cos I'm aware my urges aren't unique, (Bb, F)
And you yourself have had more than enough. It (Bb, F)
Is clear that, apart from the hundreds of others who might murder you first, (Bb, F, Eb, D, D7)
If I don't act before you do, I might be the one to snuff it. (Gm, Gm7, C, C+)

So I'm going to have to kill you, awfully sorry.
So you can't kill me first, I'll shove you underneath a lorry,
Or maybe drown you in a vat of boiling oil;
Just so long as you shuffle off this mortal coil (Gm, C7, F)
(And do it quickly) (Eb, D)
Just so long as you shuffle off this mortal coil. (Gm, C7, F, C7, F6)

Category:

Music

Tags:

• Ukulele
• Bring
• the
• Song
• Happy
• Jolly
• Cheery
• Slightly
• Psychotic

[DearOldNutjob]

I have the feeling she never gets a word in edgewise, which is just what I love about this song. Great job!

[Blindingham]

@DearOldNutjob Never let 'em get a word in edgeways; a word like "fishslice", to steal the old Michael Flanders gag. Thanks.

[jmmquah]

love the cheesy grin accompanying the feed you to a tiger line!

[Blindingham]

I always make a point of having a cheesy grin for tigers.

[Scarytoaster]

Why Alf, with these twisted love songs you are spoiling us!

Beautifully beastly. I adore it!

[Blindingham]

Ta. Twisted love songs are the best sort.

[Blindingham]

Blimey; high praise indeed.

[weegingayin]

The vocal styling would lead me to suspect you are the love child of Michael Flanders

[Blindingham]

Glad you enjoyed it.

[Blindingham]

Blimey; well I hope they never find the body.