Is Shame good?

PBS Inteview with Dr. Brene Brown

Category:

Education

Tags:

• shame
• empathy
• vulnerability
• research
• connection
• relationships
• social
• science

[rbpytc]

there's a difference between 'toxic shame' (I am gross, bad, unworthy - don't look at me), and 'healthy shame' (I'm at a fancy party in a bikini and I feel underdressed)

one is a systemic, deeply-ingrained sense of unworthiness;

the other is what healthy people feel, instinctively, when they've overstepped one of their OWN boundaries

the difference couldn't be starker

and neither is the same as 'guilt', which is a whole different conversation

[rbpytc]

'embarrassment' is another way of saying HEALTHY shame

same thing

your face flushes, your body tingles, you get that 'oops' overexposed feeling

it's how you *feel*, within yourself, that you've over-reached your *own* boundaries

and you can adjust your behavior until your body feels 'right' again

by contrast, 'toxic' shame is a constant sense of unworthiness, a smothering blanket of I-am-badness that poisons every moment of your life

not a temporary re-direct

they should have different names

[KushxOJ15]

This girl is a slut

[peggyapetersen]

@rbpytc The bikini incident you site isn't shame, but rather embarrassment. I feel embarrassed because I'm under-dressed, in this case.

[ericc327]

I guess that I have never seen a distinction between shame and guilt. I would gather that most people define them as the same. With this distinction, I understand where she's coming from. However, I doubt that it will change many people's usage. A mother will still say "you should be ashamed of yourself" when a child DOES something that is deserving of guilt. She is not going to change the terminology to "You should be aguiltied of yourself." A bit of semantics here.

[lbodhizen]

wow! outstanding!

[ishtapinks]

Brilliant ideas.

[seethefeelings]

I love the way you explain things!