"Held"

*Click here to see lyrics etc" Hey peeps! Here is a very sensitive poem about one of my miscarriages so if the subject is a trigger for you do not watch. This is by far the most personal poem I have posted, & the hardest to write. The lesson here is, to get through things you don't run from them, but instead embrace them, no matter how hard, for it is in those valleys, not hilltops, that you will begin to heal. So many times things are so painful we flee, but that only prolongs the pain; to truly recover, we must face things head on, and have closure. Perhaps this is something you needed to hear, and if so i hope my lead by example will be the start to your new beginning. This will be included in my book so constructive comments are welcome. I ask that for this poem you use decorum, as I am baring my very soul here in the most plain way on youtube hencefar. And if you are enduring what I did, there is a world of support out there; if you would like links to some just let me know, I would be more than happy to send them on to you. But know this: you are not alone. The song featured is called "Held" by Natalie Grant. If any of you have this song with the lyrics here on youtube I would love a video response given, so that anyone who wishes to see the lyrics after viewing this can do so; if that's the case, feel free. As always please do not claim my work for yourselves but if you like it, feel free to subscribe/pass links etc. Thank you for watching, I hope you enjoy.

Lyrics:
(Dedicated to my daughter Gracie, conceived 3/17/07, sleeping with the angels 6/9/2007)
I held you inside of me, carried you in love and hope that someday, Id cradle you. Conceived in the heavens, each day I talked to you, sung to you, and dreamt of you, sleeping so peacefully in my depths. So fragile, so tiny, into such a little form, hidden from the world safely in my womb, rest my little one. Not a moment passed I held not desperately, to behold you. Though many said there was no hope, I did not give up on you, yearning that love would be enough to keep you with me. That somehow my prayers would reach the ears of the Highest, and mercy poured out, that our deepest longings would be reality. I heard angels singing through the tears, in my hospital bed, as I cried out in confusion on where you had gone. They eased the pain in my body, yet never in my spirit was I spared. For I loved you. In denial was I, a blissful other world where tis only was you and I, I still go there. The weeks passed, turned into months, I really thought it all was enough, to want you as desperately as I did. When they urged me to an end, I resisted so strongly, knowing the risks of waiting, and watching, the natural events to unfold in the comfort of home, instead of invasion. I was shunned, but I cared not; you would meet this world in my hands, not theirs. A dream I had, a vision as it were, of you in the celestial realm, oh you were so lovely. Dressed in white, curly hair, porcelain skin and bright blue eyes, with red lips curled in an innocent smile, held by the Saviour. Oh it was then I knew, not two days before, that in this life you would not be mine. The night of your birth was quiet, frozen and hushed, so much felt at once I could not hold it in. And as I gazed down at you so lifeless, so still, I kissed you with my tears and vowed to hold you in that day I join you. Few others understood, oh His hand was on us, the only scars remaining unseen, those I still carry. In the depths where I once carried you, forever. Too beautiful for earth, you were, my little one, now held by angels who take watch of you, and as much as I love you He loves you infinitely more. You were not mine to hold any longer, not in caress but in my heart, for there you always will stay. And how you blessed me my daughter, for but a moment I held you in my breath, and loved you though I had not yet seen your face. Returned to Him with a lock of my hair, and a sentiment that stilled the angels singing, a verse or two read and then silence, of awe, grief. Oh but the assurance you will always be with me, held inside me as you once were, and our someday when I will see you once more, in eternity. For then my little baby safe in my arms as you once laid, you will be held.
Copyright: poeticone2812009

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[PinkZebraHead]

i understand this deeply....only a woman knows the loss when it happens to her it damn near breaks her soul 

[poeticone2812009]

@PinkZebraHead ty so much for that. I could not have said it better. it did break my soul. it still does, every day. I find myself wishing I knew how to put myself back together again. I feel so very alone in my grief. I hope someday I can find peace or at least be able to look into the dawn again.

[poeticone2812009]

I was just asked if I miscarried naturally, poetically at 1:56 it says that the doctors pushed me to have a D&C, but I refused, choosing to miscarry naturally in my home, I knew the risks & I was careful, & 2 days after my vision, before bed I knew it was time, & within a few minutes she was in our hands not some doctor's. & we did have a funeral in a special tiny coffin with an angel holding a baby on top, that wouldn't be true with a d&c. it's a personal decision, but for us it was the right 1

[PinkZebraHead]

@poeticone2812009 You are not alone. You are just very brave to love out loud. Your love will never fade because I believe that your angel is a part of your spirit...

[mtatafley]

RIP Kimberly Nicole its been 7 years since your death and i still miss you. love you for ever and always. <3

[YourDoula55]

So beautifully written, soulfully expressed, and touching many hearts.

Thank you.

We who have said goodbye too soon - share a pain that you have touched with your words.

Peace and Grace as we journey to a new place of faith, trust and healing.

[pilatespolekat]

@poeticone2812009 what a beautiful poem for your precious little one. Praise God for giving you such strength and courage to post it. Blessings to you!

[witnessthelight97]

i am so sorry for your loss thats really really sad and now your child is in the arms of the savior i cried so hard in this video its always a happy moment when u bring a new child into the world but mostly happr when u bring a new child into heven

[HAILZA7X]

could not help but cry

[ericalynnelf]

thanks for sharing !!!

[3rikalol]

I'm so sorry about your lost..I'm 18 years old,I was the only child,when my mom found out she was pregnant,we were all so exited to add a new member to the family ..she was five months pregnant and she lost the baby....even though it's been four months since that happen,it hurts whenever I see her sad because I don't know what to do.I just stay there useless. =[....R.I.P Diego Rivera