"Is There a God?" - PHILIP EMEAGWALI

IS THERE A GOD?

Our descendants
will not need the computer
around them
because they will be the computer.

I envision our descendants as
super-intelligent cyborgs
and genius computer programmers.
In a millennium,
a story teller might tell our descendants this story:
Once upon a time,
a teenage cyborg
- half-man, half machine -
wrote a million lines of supercomputer code.
As an adult,
he invented and installed a mega-supercomputer
in a sports stadium
and fed the machine
the wisdom of our forbearers.
He even gave it a name:
"Deep Thought."
This cyborg invited the world's leaders
to a grand unveiling.
After an eloquent speech
lauding Deep Thought's power,
this Great Cyborg
asked a revered mathematician
to pose to his supercomputer
one of the Seven Millennium Problems
that had stumped generations of mathematicians.
Within seconds,
Deep Thought spat out the correct answer.
The genius smiled with satisfaction as he sat
like a king on his throne.
He gently urged
other dignitaries
to pose the most profound questions.
The audience held its breath
as the supercomputer correctly answered
them all.
Finally,
His Holiness,
the Dalai Lama,
cleared his throat and asked:

Is there a God?"

The Cyborg turned to Deep Thought
apprehensively.
The supercomputer
worked away, its lights flashing.
Hours passed,
and then days.
Days turned into months.
There was no answer.
After a year,
it finally produced
an error message:
"I lack the data and power needed
to answer this question."

The stadium erupted in laughter
as everyone mocked this
genius supercomputer that couldn't determine
if God existed.
Flabbergasted,
the Great Cyborg
commanded his fellow cyborgs to
interface his machine with
all the computers
in all the homes and offices
in the world.

"Is there a God?"
he asked again.

After a second year
of continuous calculations,
the supercomputer blinked:

"Still not enough power."

Confounded, the genius cyborg
ordered that the machines be connected
to every remaining microprocessor.
Thus upgraded, Deep Thought
became omniscient
and was hailed
as the mother of all mega-supercomputers.
"Is there a God?"
the genius cyborg cried
in exasperation.
A booming voice answered:
"Nooow, theeeere issss."

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• Philip
• Emeagwali
• God