Jessy Rewrites and Reads Twas the Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before christmas and all through the house,
not a creature was stiring, just me moving my mouse.
The cheap plastic walmart junk under the tree,
Made cheaper by the labors of kids who were chinese.

Jessy Jr was laying snug in his bed
as visions of buffet food danced in his head.
Momma was in bed eating pop corn,
i sat browsing youtube and looking at porn.

When out on the lawn there arose quite a sound,
I shouted, "ITS AL-QUEDA KIDS, HIT THE GROUND."
Away to my gunrack I waddled so spry,
got the shotgun, the luger, and my new .45.

No snow on the ground meant it was quit dark,
global warming made it easy to hide in the yard.
When what to my bloodshot eyes should appear?
But some fat guy in a red suit surrounded by deer.

With a little old driver, who was clealy high,
I thought "Saint Nick is gonna get a DUI."
He shouted at his reindeer and called them by name!
I was stunned to hear heros from my favorite games!

"Now Zelda, Now Freeman, Now Master Chief!
Lara Croft, Kirby, Glados and Link!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Get your ass up there or I'll break all your balls!"

He flew round in circles checking for guns,
then landed on my roof with a big crunching thud.
The trailer did creek cause of his big fat 'ol ass,
But for lots of free swag I'd give him a pass.

But I heard him stomping around on the roof,
and the prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
I stood there frozen with my guns in my hand,
as the roof gave through on my couch he did land.

He was dressed all in fur, which would upset PETA,
From the size of his gut though he was clearly a meat eater.
A bundle of toys he had in his hands,
Playstation and Xbox and a Wii for our Gran.

His smile was fantastic! Like he was just out of jail,
His eyes though were dark like he'd seen all of hell.
His deamenor was rude and also quite rigid,
I got the feeling Ms claus must be frigid.

He was missing some teeth and most of his hair,
he seemed quite unhealthy. Damned obamacare.
He was smoking his pipe which was far from empty,
i could tell by the smell it must be 4:20.

He was chubby and plump even fatter than me!
His big man titties almost hung to his knees!
He had fat gut that bounced as he danced
his clothes fit real poorly, his gut hung over his pants.

he spoke not a word but just did his duty,
Filled the stockings with toys and snacks that were fruity.
Then he drank a big potion, and dragon born shout!
"Kon Voss OOP" then floated right out.

He jumped in his sleigh and to his team gave a nod,
then the flew off my roof like a NASCAR hot rod.
I started firing my guns, because I was pissed.
I shouted, "Get the FUCK outta here, you damned socialst!!!!"

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• Poem
• poetry
• Humor
• Parody
• santa claus
• santaclaus
• boogie2988
• boogie
• francis
• Jessy
• Santa Claus
• night before christmas

[PKMNtrainerXtreme]

SANTA DOES EXIST!

[caplorunnin]

@TheKidWithNoMustache Very original. It's awesome how people can comment something with so little humor on a video like this.

[li8iosru]

Ok if you want guys please seriously thumbs up so the guy who need to see it he will be able to : ORACLE_MAN YOU ARE A s**** of a b*****ch and arrogant that's all i have to say u are only A MORTAL WAKE UP F***** noob only a MORTAL and Brainless

[OptikResolutions]

hahahahaha just the face at the beginning made me laugh XD

[mandatorysuicide905]

i wacthed maybe a cupple of ur vids but this one just made me and ur videos click keep this stuff up... from canada

[dpkzpking]

santa..looks like you gained some weight..

[XdavanatorX]

This guy is awsome I dont know why he has so much hates and insults .KEEP MAKING AWSOME VIDS DUDE :D

[robertawcanter]

I LOVE YOU BOOGIE!  This is a real youtuber.

[TylerVEV157]

That was awesome!!!!!!!

[inoth79]

Can u stop flaming him ? If u hate him then stop watching his videos !