I'm Not Coming Back.

I've been waiting my entire life for college.
It's finally here. With 2012 comes a new year, but also a college experience for me.
Where to start?
Until this summer, I had it all planned out. I would go back east and attend a private school and ride my tush off. I had it set, this plan in my head.
Unfortunately, that won't be happening.
I was told by my parents, " You do realize that YOU are paying for your education, right? If you can't afford it, YOU are not doing it."
It broke me into a billion pieces. I can't even explain how that one sentence shattered everything I've ever worked towards. No, I've never been given anything, but I still.. I don't know. I guess I always figured my parents would want the best for me and want me to get a job, so they'd help me pay for college. I guess I just figured they'd support me and help me.
No such luck.
I don't blame them. Who wants to pay for an expense like that? I know they don't want to. I was just hoping that I'd get help. Because the rule is that when kids don't go to college, they sit on their couch and mooch of their parents. So parents always do what parents do, they send their kid off into the world.
My parents are no exception. If I don't go off to college, I can promise you I won't be allowed to stay at home either.
So when I heard that one sentence, a whole future just.. SHATTERED like glass.
And I had to change my entire decision. I went from my dream region of the United States to the one I would have NEVER EVER picked in a million years if it was found I had another way.
But I don't.
So off I go. Midwest, here I come.
I guess the most painful thing is all the dreams I had that I had to give up. I spent HOURS crying in front of the computer trying to figure out how to make it work. How to avoid the cheap option, how to get to the private school, get to the east. When I figured out it wasn't possible, I spent many more hours crying over the fact that I was about to go somewhere I really DIDN'T want to be.
And then one day I just woke up and decided I wasn't going to be sad about it. I decided I had a reason to be excited as hell. So now, I'm looked at the crazy girl who chose a midwest school and is choming on the bit to get there, even if she believes there's nothing there. Call me crazy. But I swear I won't give up on my future, even if I have to take a unpaved path to get there.

But I have to say, it KILLED me the other day when I heard my friend talk about her trip to visit a private school back east. And my mom asked me "Abrie.. Do you ever have any regrets about your decision? I want you to know that if you can find the money, you CAN go to a private school.. You don't HAVE to go to the midwest. You do what YOU want. I just want to make sure that you don't regret not choosing a private school where you want to go."
I nearly slapped her.
I just said "Nope. I'm sure about my decision."
When my head screamed "IF ONLY I DID HAVE THAT DECISION! You don't understand what a sacrifice this is for me, and I'm just beginning to accept this! If you could help me, I'd love to go to a private school. I'd love to do what makes me happy where it makes me happy, at a riding college. If you'd help me, I'd love to be happy there. If only."
Just smile. Nod. "Oh yeah. I'm sure."

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Pets & Animals

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• horsefreak129

[myequineaddictionn]

ahh as always, just stunning. You've been strong through so much, you'll be fine through this. :)

where ARE you off to, anyways? :) (asks the native coloradan.)

[horsefreak129]

@myequineaddictionn Thank you SO much, that truely means the WORLD! And I think I'll drop you a PM (:

[empy5]

and don't worry about the COLD winters ;] I lived in cali and moved to the midwest and it's different, but bearable. The winters where I live now get to negative 50 lol. so anyway, what I am trying to get at in a round about way is that YOU will make it happen. Besides, who knows that you won't make it to that private school one day? But you just got to chip away at the hard stuff now. And then go blow everyone's socks off in the future, and you will DESERVE it, and you will be grateful. =]

[horsefreak129]

@empy5 not less than that(although I haven't checked google weather or been there in the dead of winter to validate that statement but..)

WHOA THATS CRAZY COLD! BURRRR!

Thank you SO much, your words give me SO much strength and courage, I can't thank you enough for that!

[empy5]

I hope things work out for you girl, you always have such an amazing work ethic and true determination. I know you will make it. And don't worry, because of your abilities, talent and perseverance you will find opportunities. I live out in the middle of nowhere where there are less shows than in the midwest (I lived in the midwest, california and the south) and I am actually at a riding college where I am getting an equine degree. And Empy's in a national young horse jumping program. . . cont.

[horsefreak129]

@empy5 THANK YOU LAUREN! Gah, that means so much to me, you have no idea! You are TOO kind! I feel like I've asked this a million times, but I always forget, what state do you live in? AND YAY for going to a riding college! That was my origional plan (: But I mean.. I didn't stray SO far from that dream, I'm still going for riding, it's just.. not a riding college by any means haha. Oh BUURRRRR! GEEZ! How is that even possible?! I think where I'm going it snows and gets to like 15F but probably

[horsefreak129]

@cmjequitation0 Aww, thank you SO much!

[SmallvilleFanatic600]

@horsefreak129

Aww well thank you :'D

Here's to chasing dreams and our future goals! <3

[horsefreak129]

@MakeEquitate Oh, that's okay, no big deal. haha

Does it? I'd love to see it though (: The east has all the great shows! (I mean.. we have some awesome ones too, like HITS Thermal, but when you compare, the east has 2387497x more awesome ones!) Aww thank you SOOO much, that means SO much to me! You are too sweet!!

[MakeEquitate]

Aww, I'm sorry you have to sacrifice private school! But trust me, after a while the east gets extremely tiring!! You'll have a blast at college no matter what :)

I'm glad you can accept it, that really shows your strength.

BTW, I loveeeee this video as usual :P Great quote, gorgeous clips and editing!