Julie Goldman - Lez Con live

Julie Goldman singing a song about straight girls on the rfamily cruise to Alaska '09

lyrics (as best as i could make them out--if you hear something differently, just let me know):

You just broke up with your boyfriend
now youre trying to hold my hand
girl be careful what youre wishing for
before I come walking through your bedroom door
you better know this is what you want
its not gonna be like it was with Scott
if you wanna go down the Sapphic road
theres just a few things you need to know

Girl Im gonna be like Captain Kirk on the Enterprise
and I might have you on one level but when the Klingons come Ill take you higher girl thats right
its gonna be broken down and I want you to understand where its gonna go
its gonna go like this 2 3 4

Lez con one
Im taking you down
Im gonna kiss you all up in your mouth
Lez con two
Im feeling your boobs
I know that this feels natural to you
Lez con three
its getting freaky
this is what we can fingerblasting
Lez con four
youre spread out on the floor
and Im gonna eat you like an appeti-zor
Lez con five
now youre alive
but youve got something shaped like a dolphin inside
now youre alive
lez con five
whats inside

Whats happening to you
you dont really know
but youre changing
you dont know whats going on
is life gonna change
and then you say whoa
whats happening to me
cause all of the sudden
everythings different

Youre gonna have to go to Dinah Shore
youre gonna become a lesbian circuit whore
youre gonna play volleyball
and when you lose youre gonna get in a butch brawl
youre gonna get yourself only khaki shorts
except for that one pair of tennis skorts
youre gonna go on an rfamily cruise
I hope you have some comfortable shoes
youre gonna gain 15 pounds
then youre gonna gain another 15 pounds
youre gonna get 3 cats and a sheltered dog
and judge anyone who buys one
youre gonna research where food is from
and annoy us all with what you know
youre gonna get a journal and a poetry book
and grow out your big hairy bush

And now its time
for lez con six
its just you and me so intimate
now its my turn
Im gonna spread it wide
and you do the same to me one through five
oh Im alive
Im gonna close my eyes
Im ready now
Im vulnerable
its my turn
I cant wait for you to touch me
I know its your first t—
Wherere you going?

Awkward....

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• julie
• goldman
• rfamily
• alaska
• lesbian
• folk
• rock
• guitar
• straight
• girls

[waldro21]

You (or however video taped this) have an adorable laugh! :D

[alexsbabe12]

thank you! =)

[funnygrrl27]

This lady makes me laugh till I snort! Cute right?

[nixawme]

OH MY HILARIOUS!

[blahblah225]

lol!!! this is hilarious i love julie

[lanilaniohlani]

haha omg this is so true and extremely funny!!