ED Update: Back from Treatment...Already...

Ok...So this past week has been a waste of time! I was released from the Programme "Officially" on Wednesday, but PULLED from the Programme and ISOLATED (YES! You hear right!) from the group on Tuesday! Apparently I have too many "Active Trauma Memories" and I am to "go away and come back when I have done some "trauma 1" work. Now...how the heck is that suppose to happen when a lot of the memories are only/were only coming up bc I was eating certain foods that I would not normally eat like "Creamy Pasta" or "Veggie Hot Dogs"!?! (use your imagination with symbolism folks) I don't know...All i DO know is that I need to get into an IP Treatment Center ASAP. With some sort of Funding like OHIP (Canadian) or from an Organization. (I'm 35 so any "Youth" ones won't work for me. THIS SUCKS and MAKES NO SENSE TO ME!?! I feel like such a burden to everyone! 8(

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• anorexia
• bulimia
• eating_disorder
• ed_treatment
• ed
• ana
• mia
• relapse
• recovery

[weaveamyweave08]

Ok...So, I'll keep this short as I will probably make a video in a couple of hours....

I'm screwed! I WANTED help. I WANTED treatment.

I AM FED UP! I CANNOT FIGHT ANYMORE ON MY OWN! I AM TOO DAMN TIRED!!!

TGH won't take me back until I do "trauma work". THAT wait is a good 4 mo away. Homewood=5mo wait IF I have Insurance for ED, 9mo Wait for Trauma and 1+ year for an OHIP Spot! WTF! I NEED IT NOW! I can't afford this & I DONT WANT TO WAIT! (YES...I wish I could just disappear....)

[pocomotto]

Center for change is such a good program. I know many girls that went there and they are all well in recovery! I hope you can go there!

[weaveamyweave08]

Thanks. I figure that if I am meant to go there, the opportunity will come. I have done as much as I can from my end. Now I just wait.

[sugarfreejello]

Amy - I am so sorry treatment did not work out for you. I was really hoping this would be a breakthrough treatment for you. Where were you? TGH? Credit Valley? NYGH? I got into Homewood a few years ago but did not go. It might be worth getting on their list. At least find out if you are eliglible to go. Thinking of you and sending *hugs*

[weaveamyweave08]

Yes...Very true.

Thank you for your concern.

The ED thoughts and "mind-set" are getting worse (I'm starting to question my need for treatment again). So I guess things are not going better for me. I'm less "emotionally" upset I suppose. I'm more grounded for sure. But htat's about it. I have so much trouble thinking & living life. It's hell... it really is.

[GrowingandHealing]

So true... I actually sport a lot of red in support of AIDS survivors. I was just worried because I know you struggle so strongly with this horrible disease. I hope everything is going better and will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

[paledreams]

gosh girl, good luck. I am so sorry about everything!

and I've also heard great things about center for change. it's like, commonly known as the best treatment facility in the US. I mean obviously this is debatable but in general, yeah it has a great reputation.

HANG IN THERE! <3

[weaveamyweave08]

Thanks. Just keep in mind that just because something is "RED" does not mean that it is "Ana Pride"...whatever the "F*ck" that is suppose to be!?! Who ever chooses to be "pro-ED" has a messed up mind! I am anything BUT "pro"! Well, with the exception is "PRO-HEALING" and "PRO-RECOVERY"!.

Glad to hear thatyou are still working on getting your life back. It's a really hard road to be on...isn't it!?!

xo~a

[GrowingandHealing]

So glad to hear that... I just am hyper sensitive to things and noticed that the bracelet was the color of "ana pride" bracelets. I know exactly what you mean... I am still working to get my life back from this disease! I hate it!!!

Again, good luck with everything!

[weaveamyweave08]

You are right...it's NOT all doom and gloom. At the same time...I showed them on many different occasions and different ways how morivated I was and I NEED their help. I REFUSE to spend the next 7 damn years being admitted there "medically" and then back out to do "trauma work" and being treated like a Yo-Yo! I'm going to be 36 in Janurary...I don't have kids and WANT kids! I am NOT wasting my life the way Dr. W. wants me to. That's just BS!!!