a Farewell to John (My Chemical Romance: Bulletproof Heart)

John Willas... what do I say about my father, John Willas? There is quite a lot, actually. Most of the good things, however, he would easily find some way to refute. He liked to focus on the bad, he liked to disprove things, and he would always try an attempt at skepticism, regardless of the information in contradiction (and, I think that's my mother's problem with me). He was a thinker; it was his grace, and his downfall. He had strong feelings, and strong points of view; it was his grace, and his downfall. He had family that really and truly cared, even when he did not believe it, himself; it was his grace, and his downfall.
This guy loved to laugh. I remember him constantly calling me, or my mother into the room to show us some dumb video on YouTube... some of them were pretty funny. Regardless of what I thought, though; I never told him half the time, because the best times were when he was laughing. He showed two strong emotions: happiness, and anger. Notwithstanding of which was observed from him, it was always an extreme. The emotion was always a powerful one.
I heard stories, and I've seen him as a working man, and I have vague memories of "daddy", but I never knew a lot about the person that he once was, it was, however, obvious the person that I always knew he could be. He didn't see it. He didn't see the person that endeavored its freedom from the shell it was encased. He didn't see the power of his influence, or his place in this world. He didn't see how special he could have been.
People look at me, and judge based on mistakes he made. I don't think they realize how stupid and hurtful they are. He grew up under judgments and strictness. If there's one thing I've learned through, and because of him, it's that if you can't escape at home, then you will try to escape somewhere else. Unfortunately, the most powerful escapades are not usually positive ones. But, he tried. He could feel, and he could show it; but he thought that these feelings meant nothing. They meant the world to me.
Among his favorite catch-phrases: "Hmm... let me think, no!" "Life sucks; get used to it." He used to call me "Sparky," "Hey, what's up, Sparky?" It made me feel special. I can only hope that it made him feel just as special.
I don't know... a lot of things, but, I don't know what was going through his head when he decided that he wasn't important, or that mom loved him any less than she once did, or that we didn't care. Until the day he died, I never stopped believing, somewhere that he could be a better person. He wasn't a bad person, though; he wasn't all that he could have been, but the most important thing was that he was who he had to be. I wish he saw that as well as I do.

This is a slideshow of cherished events, things that he loved, places we have been. The song is "Bulletproof Heart" by My Chemical Romance. He loved "Welcome to the Black Parade," and this song, much like it, makes me feel a variety of things all at once. That's what life is, after all.

(Song, lyrics and video clips are property of their respective owners)

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