Worth the climb

It's okay to have doubts.

Here's the thing I have a couple of friends on youtube who have just or are about to start IP treatment and I am so proud of them. I just recently restarted outpatient. And then I have others who have also recently or are about to encounter and master and totally kick arse at some other goals/which could prove to be challenging in their recvoery. But I know you can do it guys.

The thing is this isn't super positive but I wanted to make something to honour their courage in the most important battle of their life but I wasn't up for something really up beat maybe later today...Somedays I'm in recovery cause the alternative is worse and I suck at dying :P, this is one of those days. But I am so determined, I know you all are to and I believe in you. I really do.

Sometimes its important not to remember where you are going but where you've come from. That way you can see how far you already have come and it's not scary if your not sure where you are going. Cause even good stuff is scary.

ppl embarking on an eating disorder it'll be "fun" for a couple of weeks and then this mindset will trap you and try to keep you that way forever.

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[adenalilly]

that is an amazing song choice girl i like that its not all positive it makes it real. its so true you must never loose site of what your running from, ever. =)

[beautywithin85]

Yeah I forget what it is like to enjoy life sometimes...but I don't ever forget this crap! I figure whatever keeps you moving in the right direction...whatever works right?

[misstiggykins]

As usual - very well expressed. I also agree with what you write in the info box -"somedays I'm in recovery cause the alternative is worse and I suck at dying". I think it's important that everyone embarking on recovery knows it will be difficult, so that they're not in for nasty surprises. Our EDs start for good reason, and they 'work' in the sense of short-term numbing; but in the long term they destroy our minds as well as our bodies. Finding safe, alternative strategies that work is hard...

[beautywithin85]

Yeah. It kind of gets tome when ppl say recovery was the best thing that ever happened to them but that they've only been recovered for like 2 weeks. I'm like you don't know enough about it to say it.I'm hoping that the best thing that happens to me is after or at least towards the very END of my recovery. Cause this is hard.

I'm sorry u know that its so hard tho...I totally wish I was the only one who had to know that. oh well. sigh. Atleast I am on par with an insightful and wise tiggster.

[misstiggykins]

It did make sense - I know what you mean...

What has worked well for me? It's generally absorbing myself in something that I find interesting and is not ED-related, or addictive in a harmful way. I set myself little goals (not massive, unattainable ones) like organising coffee or lunch with a friend, painting (my kitties - lol..), putting on loud music and dancing to it (provided the neighbours are out..), going for a walk - but not exercising to the point of exhaustion, pain or numbness...

[beautywithin85]

ok so the first part of this made NO sense..its not that I feel better when succumbing to the goals (really i do for like a min) but I feel stupid when I do.

[beautywithin85]

yeah I'm pretty much the same way :D its not that I feel good about not succumbing to those urges...but that I feel infinitely stupid and worse when I dont. After a while I eventually become proud of the only real thing I've found impossible- dealing with emotions. It is just so uplifting to look back over the last month and conclude that I behaved pretty normally!

we're gonna rock it tiggeroo...hey if you have anything that has worked really well for you i'd love to hear.

[misstiggykins]

Once my mood does lift and I feel better about myself and my life I am glad that I didn't starve or SH in any way. I'm glad that I took time to think of the consequences of doing self-destructive things, rather than automatically self destructing. I know now that anorexia was never the solution, but there is a period in recovery when you're stuck to know what the alternative is. I am eventually finding alternatives by trial and error...

Take care! Tiggeroo xoxo

[misstiggykins]

Thanks Sarah... Recovery, if it is ever totally complete, takes years rather than weeks. I am now a near healthy weight, and feel better both physically and mentally than I did when I was 40+ pounds underweight, but when faced with triggers, which either remind me of past trauma, or make me feel that I am worthless/useless I have to fight hard not to revert back to anorexic behaviours and SH. Life is hell at the time but I have noticed that my mood/self image eventually improve (CONT).

[beautywithin85]

I'm glad that you found it helpful. And it totally makes sense to struggle when your sick and not as strong. I do as well. I don't know sometimes I find it helpful to know I'm never alone.Thanks for your feed back. I'm glad other ppl benefit as well.

I am quite well actually. I have pretty much given up the core of my symptoms (purging and major restrictions) and as a result am super emotional but I'm handling it ok.

Totally love Joss stones right to be wrong song btw :)