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My Bear Tibbers [League of Legends]

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Published on May 3, 2013

Surprisingly few people ever questioned the popularity of a show whose episodes lasted only a minute and a half before turning into a savage bloodbath. Frankly, it was refreshing for a program to just cut to the chase and give the public what they wanted: to see stupid people culled from the population. Sure, the actors lived in a constant state of terror. Certainly, the janitors tired of "Evisceration Wednesdays." And of course, people began to wonder why there were so many mysterious open cages set around the city's alleyways, always freshly set each morning with tattered hats and tin cans wrapped in soiled newspapers to attract the homeless. But the profit margins on the missing person to Mystery Meat brand dog food ratios were *amazing.* Later seasons of the show would introduce many new characters, as most survived only a few minutes into their introductory scenes. Most prominent and often blamed for the series' deterioration was Tibbers' twenty-eighth wife, a vaguely hourglass-shaped log dressed in a green blouse with a speaker duct taped around it. Mundo, Executive Producer at the time, was quoted as saying, "While the narrative of each episode certainly directs the cast, and serves to create overall structure to the series, it's apparent that the heart of the program's appeal is in its ability to show you it has heart - the hearts of the actors, as they are torn asunder by a violent, spectral bear creature forged in the heart of an ancient darkness to which I dare not feign understanding. Removing that element divorced the soul of the series from its body, and the product was never the same." Then he grabbed the microphone and put it up to his butt, before letting out one of those wet, rolling farts that makes you think the guy maybe has been sick lately, because it sounds so raunchy. It was pretty hilarious. Then the bear ate his face. A reboot is said to be in the works, although work has been held up due to the production team's inability to get a flaming demon bear to put on suspenders. "The easy part is, you only have to get them on there once," spoke Creative Director Ashe, "but the hard part is, you have to get them on there once." Lead Writer Sona had no comment, but flailed wildly, irrespectively.

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