Billy Bennett - The League of Nations

This is a must for anyone studying the English Language as Billy Bennett contorts sense into nonsense. The actual content would soon be banned today and he would have had trouble with all sorts of PC organisations. Music Hall at its cleverest!

William Robertson Russell Bennett DCM (Distinguished Conduct Medal) and MM (Military Medal), better known as Billy Bennett, (1887 -- June 30, 1942) was a British comedian who specialised in parodies of dramatic monologues and was billed as almost a gentleman.
Billy's slogan was 'Almost a Gentleman' and he did his best to live up to it by wearing an ill-fitting dress suit, a waistcoat out of which his shirt hung, and a large, untrimmed walrus moustache. His style was raucous, and with his coarse, non-stop approach would batter any audience into submission with songs like The Green Tie of the Little Yellow Dog, with its references to 'who-flung-dung' and 'Gonga-pooch' which is the Hindu word for bum! Apart from various songs with a military slant -for which he would dress up in a scruffy army uniform - Billy was also the composer of that famous song of the pretty country girl who is lured to the bright lights of the city and there suffers the inevitable fate at the hands of some wealthy gent, 'It's the same the whole world over - it's the poor what gets the blame!' For this piece of inspired vulgarity alone, Billy Bennett has a special place in the comedy singer's hall of fame.

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears.
I have a story to tell.
Lend me your ears, if you've not got them with you,
Your noses will do just as well.
What we want today is social reform, parish reform and more than likely chloroform.
What did Gladstone say after '99? Why, 100 of course. And he was right.
I represent the common people and nobody is more common than I am.
We have the Press behind us and if there is one thing I like to see in a newspaper
It's a good feed of fish and chips.
I've just arrived from the League of Nations and I'll tell you all about it.
The League of Nations met in Berwick Market,
To discuss on which side kippers ought to swim.
There were Hottentots and Prussians playing honeypots on cushions,
And a Greek with bubble and squeak upon his chin.
Some drove up in taxis that were empty,
Some arrived to say they couldn't come.
The Hindus had their quilts on, the Hebrews had their kilts on,
A Scandinavian rose and said `By Gum,
Think of what we have done in the future,
Shall we do our duty in the past?'
The Japanese Prime Minister got up and said `Tush, tush'.
Someone threw a shepherd's pie that hit his Shepherd's Bush.
A Scotsman from the north land got up and spoke in shorthand,
Like a vegetarian straight from Botany Bay.
He said, `Where has the kidney bean? What made the woodbine wild?
Is red cabbage greengrocery? And tell me friends,' he smiled,
`Can a bandy-legged gherkin be a straight cucumber's child?
That's what Crosse and Blackwell want to know today.'

The League of Nations met at Marks and Woolworths,
And asked them if a discount they'd allow.
A farmer with his tanner said he wished to buy a spanner,
He could use when he was milking of the cow.
A Turk said `We want work, and not much of it,
A job like giving gooseberries Marcel waves.'
A Zulu most courageous said, `Brothers it's outrageous,
Black puddings should be treated as white slaves'.
Shall we ever do so if we can't do,
Could we, would we, if we, p'raps we won't.
Admiral McNestle of the Swiss Navy arose shouting
`Where would Turkey be without the parson's nose?'
The Rajah of Shlemozzle got up and blew his nozzle,
He had these few well-chosen words to say,
`Can a sausage keep its figure if its burberry is slack?
If a duck has had its tonsils out where does it keep its quack?
We know a hen can lay an egg but can it put it back?
That's what Levy and Franks are fighting for today.' !

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• billy
• bennett
• league
• of
• nations
• music
• hall
• british
• scottish

[swallin19]

Wonderful nonsense from almost a Prefect Gentleman.

[abilify10mg]

god bless the scottish!!