Crusher! Crusher! Crusher!
The chant that I know all too well. The chant of destruction. Of chaos. Of doom.
The apocalypse? No, none of that bollocks, just the chant to the practically unknown Sky One show Beat the Crusher.
This show... was INSANE. Presented by Freddie Starr and Melinda Messenger, it was a show where the two hosts travelled around the UK in a well-decorated car crusher, causing destruction and chaos wherever they ended up. Whether it be crushing an audience member's glasses in Port Talbot, or crushing a man's kebab trailer in Wood Green.
This show was brilliant! This type of random violent anarchy was hilarious. I could watch this for hours on end. Hours and hours.
I remember watching it when it first aired, and I have a VHS recording of and episode and a bit of another. When I say a bit I mean the first five or so minutes, because my mother doesn't know how to work a VHS and ended up taping over it with Twin Town, which we had on video anyway. Oh, just my luck.
Still, at least I still had the Port Talbot episode in its entirety. Well, almost, but that's another story. This VHS was watched again and again and again by myself, 'cause I loved it so much.
Unfortunately, around about the year 2002, the VHS fell out of my possession, being passed from owner to owner, and house to house, all because my mother liked to throw my stuff out without asking me first. Thanks, Mum.
My God, I searched high and low for this VHS, everywhere I went. Whether I'd find it in a charity shop, or Cash Generator store, or whatever. I NEEDED to find this video.
And as the years went by, it became apparent to me that I was never going to see it again. Never.
But then, in 2009, I sauntered down a car boot sale in Swansea one day. And this bloke selling old VHS recordings out of the back of a Ford Fiesta, had a certain VHS tape concealed under a huge bunch of others. I recognised the crude drawing of the crusher on the VHS tape, and I thought I must be dreaming. I asked the man if I could have a look at it. He handed it to me and, to my absolute surprise, it was my Beat the Crusher tape, all the way from 1999, finally come home to me.
Clutching it against my chest, I asked how much it was. And the man replied with this:
"Have it."
God bless him. And with that, I sprinted away from the car boot sale, and went home, jumping for joy as I put the VHS in my handy LG video player and watched the memories flood into my brain.
Ahh... the adverts for Nizarol Dandruff Shampoo, Citroen Saxo and Hooch Lemon, they bring so much joy to my mind. Bit like that Toonami promo. All that was me, in a nutshell.
I finally had my video back. Come to think of it my story sounds like the 1994 adaptation of Black Beauty, but then again I don't think my VHS is going to see hallucinations of its girlfriend any time soon.
I finally had what I wanted. And I still have it to this day.
No one will remember this show. But I will. I most certainly will.
UPDATE 18/11/2011: Might have a recording of the first episode (including adverts) heading your way this Christmas. Aren't you lucky?
UPDATE 11/01/2012: VHS recording uploading tonight. I mean it this time.
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Commerciale Battelby antbar816,989 views
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