a villanelle - Imagine

Inspired by TheDisexists to try my hand at a traditional form of poetry, I have written a couple of villanelles. This is one of them. A strict pattern of rhyming and repeats produces a distinctive sound. Click the link http://www.youtube.com/user/TheDisexists to discover more of TheDisexists skillful and stylish work.

a villanelle - Imagine

Imagine if you will a while
emerging from the depths of war
a ravaged face that yet does smile

Soft victim of those that defile
tossed ragged to the charnel floor
Imagine if you will a while

From fetid pit and sordid pile
confounding all that stand before
a ravaged face that yet does smile

When paltry indiscretions rile
when neighbours keep a petty score
Imagine if you will a while

Though choking on the acid bile
through landscape sullied to the core
a ravaged face that yet does smile

The human spirit can beguile
humanity can ever soar
Imagine if you will a while
a ravaged face that yet does smile


Mark Shepherd
dashpoet
2009

'experience the art'
http://www.dashpoetry.com
http://www.dashpoet.com
http://www.jackiea.co.uk

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[DoorsChick1967]

This piece is somber without being overwhelming. I like the word arrangement, one can see that each word was picked carefully to convey the strength of the piece, great work!

[dashpoet]

@DoorsChick1967 Thank you! I think this is my favourite of the villanelles I have written, the repeated lines are strong enough to carry through the poem.

[DjABBlends]

wow, what an awaking poem, i was working on a vilanelle poem about a week ago, and it took me about 2 hours to write it down, but it was not good, but your is quite picturable, i can picture the words in my mind, keep up the great work

[dashpoet]

Great comment to receive, thank you. This was the first villanelle I wrote. I enjoyed fitting my thoughts into such a tight framework: it made me think! I have written a few more since, a couple finished recently that I will probably post soon as spoken-word. If you start with a pair of lines that say enough, have lots of rhymes, then the poem can fall into place. With eight syllables per line, once you get into the rhythm, you can find the best words to shape. It does take time though to tweak!

[DrStrangelove346]

An example of exaggeration is in the line "emerging from the depths of war"

[dashpoet]

Thanks again for such detailed comment! Season's greetings to you..

[dashpoet]

Such criticism is refreshing, helpful - thanks for taking the time to comment DrStrangelove. I'm glad you appear to like the poem, regardless of my mangling ways!

[dashpoet]

Great to hear from you, glad you found something here to inspire! Thank you for letting me know.

[DrStrangelove346]

The poem itself is very elegant. Your delivery, however, does not do it justice. A poem should not be read line for line or foot for foot. There is too much emphasis on the individual iambs; it must be read with a natural pace rythm rather than an overexaggerated duh-DUH-duh-DUH-duh-DUH.

[scavengermouseful]

well its interesting to note that some poets that forego mixing up the rhyme scheme on the verses when they have the option to on a villanelle can still make a good villanelle, I suppose mixing up the rhyme scheme might throw a villanelle off course, I will hope to produce good villanelles, your villanelle was great,

I mean speaking from a poets perspective it was inspiring