I Must Be Losing it;

I don't even know what I want to do anymore. I can't figure out if I'm going to start eventing because my friend does, or if I'm eventing because I want to. I don't know what would've happened if I were to do jumpers. I can't tell you why I'm so indecisive. I don't know what I'll amount to in riding, if anything. I have no idea where to go to accomplish anything. I don't know how far I can get with limited funds. I don't know how succesful I could be in hunters, or eq, or anything else. I know I want to show. I know I ride because I love it. I know it keeps me sane. I know I need the support from a barn full of riders. But I still don't know what I want.
I haven't had a good lesson since before christmas. I have an event on April 9th. Our dressage sucks. We can't be in a frame without drawreins. I've never done cross country. I've never jumped a real stadium course. I know I want to do something meaningful with my riding.

"I'm so confused, I must be losing it, this cant be right"
We had such a great lesson that day. It was perfect. Then bam. First refusal since I fell off two years ago.

"Tell me everything I want to hear and nothing more."
My trainer always says I'm doing good, my younger barn friends say my eq is great, my other friends say I need to be nicer to myself.

"With every consequence it's your defense on why its mine"
George doesn't tie. Never has. Pulls back and gets scared. Did that at our show. Escaped. Now my trainer is having a new student teach him. I spent 6 months with him. Shouldn't I do that?

"And I could take it if I knew just why I waste my time with you."
I don't always think I'm wasting time on George. But I spent over 6 months working on him. Throwing any good eq I had out the window. But now I've just been taken off him. Half of our lessons made me end in tears. In the clip I used he has his head up in the air, acting lame. (hes not. been checked by a vet)

"Was it something I said to you?"
I constantly talk to these horses. They are part of my support system. It helps them. I sing over fences, tell them everything.

"Was it something we can't work through?"
Wonder and I can make tough distances work. We are great at deep ones, fine with long spots. But I don't know the proper distances. I have trouble seeing them. Hopefully we can fix this.

Was it something I made you do?
Maybe if I hadn't tied George to the trailer, we'd be okay. It probably had nothing to do with now. But maybe I should've spoken up.

Category:

Pets & Animals

Tags:

• Madaboutponies

[Madaboutponies]

@loneoakgrls Thank you! And hopefully everything will look up when I can actually do things when snow melts :)

[Madaboutponies]

@STCLodge Thanks! Funds are causing me not to try everything, but we're working on it!

[STCLodge]

great video! I'm sure whatever you do you'll be amazing at!

Try everything and see what you like best

xx

[loneoakgrls]

Omg..this is beautiful <3 But so sad :/