Understanding Caregiver Grief

From a breakout session at the Wisconsin State Conference on Alzheimer's and Related Diseases, Caregiver Speaker, Elaine K. Sanchez, http://wwwElaineKSanchez.com, speaks about the importance of caring for the caregiver. In this segment she talks about recognizing and coping with caregiver grief.

Grief is the normal, natural, healing response we experience when we lose someone or something we value. Caregivers go through a different process known as Preparatory Grief. Preparatory Grief is different from other types of grief in that it requires continual adjustment to ongoing losses. It includes losses we have already experienced, losses we are experiencing in the present, and losses we fear are still ahead. We need to stay connected to the person we are losing, while we are in the process of losing them. It can be especially painful to be caring for the body of a person we have known and loved for so many years knowing that emotionally and mentally that person is no longer present.
It is not unusual for caregivers who are experiencing Preparatory Grief to display the following symptoms:

Difficulty Sleeping
General fatigue; lack of energy
Change in appetite, either a gain or a loss
Physical ailments such as headaches, stomachaches, intestinal problems, back and shoulder pain
Irritability
Withdrawal from friends, family, and social connections

Sadness is a common emotion associated with Preparatory Grief. It is not unusual to experience:
Longing for what was and will never be again
Longing for what you and your loved one will not be able to do, see, or enjoy together in the future
Regret for what you will both be missing as the illness progresses

Denial is often a part of the caregivers experience. People have a tendency to:

Not see the care receiver's condition realistically
Hope that changes will not be progressive or permanent
Minimize decline and be reluctant to advance to a level of appropriate care

Acceptance is the act of developing a realistic understanding of and expectation of the situation. It does not always come easy. Acceptance takes time as well as a lot of mental and emotional effort. It generally follows periods of anger, guilt, depression, sadness, and denial. It helps to realize that:

It is difficult to maintain balance in a constantly changing situation
You don't want things to be the way they are, but you recognize that you are powerless over certain aspects of your loved one's condition
It is possible to experience personal, emotional, and spiritual growth while caring for a terminally ill person

*Special thanks to Dr. Virginia Tyler, LPC, with Samaritan Evergreen Hospice, Albany, OR for sharing her information on Preparatory Grief.

Elaine frequently delivers keynote speeches, workshops, and seminars as healthcare conferences, family caregiver conferences and gerontology conferences. She does work for the healthcare organizations, Alzheimer's Association, Area Agencies on Aging, community colleges, memory care facilities, long-term care facilities, Hospice organizations, as well as churches and other faith-based organizations.

To inquire about having Elaine speak to your organization, contact Jo Cavender at http://SpeakersonHealthcare.com, or call 503-345-9164. To see more of Elaine's videos on caregiving and getting prepared to care for family elders, visit her video website at http://elainesanchez.tv.

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[ElaineKSanchez]

I'm so sorry about your wife. It doesn't seem fair! I hope you'll consider getting involved in a caregiver support group. Being with other people who are in similar situations can be helpful and healing. It would be hard for friends and family who have never gone through this experience to understand all that you are feeling. Caregiver support groups can be a safe place to say express your feelings without being judged.

[TheAdultChild101]

There is nothing in this video I can't relate to. I cared for my father for the last 3 years of his life. I also experienced the crap from the rest of my family who were little or no help at all.

[ElaineKSanchez]

@TheAdultChild101

I'm sorry for all the difficulty you experienced. I hope the knowledge that you did the right thing for your father will bring you peace and comfort.

[arizonaman8888]

Thanks, My wife had her stroke 10 months ago so I can really relate to your speaking on grief. I do know I need to get some help . thanks again.