Video 7

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[Pigseye]

First, You Look Great! It is the first step to feeling great. Feeling great is really hard but you can do it. The lack of sun I relate to. If I had the guts I would move to Hawaii or Tahiti. But then I hate humidity too. Let's face it, I am FUBAR. But you look good and sound good and I wish you the best always.

[justagurl23]

@Pigseye wish i felt good, but i don't. trying to ignore how blah i feel, but it's kind of taking over everything..so it makes it hard to enjoy things..and i just want to hide because of how disgusting i feel. then i feel sad and angry that i feel disgusted with myself...

[judith27]

Hey^^ missed your update, too. I'm one of the more silent subscribers. About what you said when people use clinical terms as if it wasn't a big deal. - It seems to me most have this from school. For many teachers it's easier to assign problems (e.g. "that's called Asperger-syndrome") than to say "sometimes it's expected to not intrude into other people's life, phases where distance needed". Anyway, they then seek for "explanations" and what to talk about as what they say isn't really themselves?

[justagurl23]

@judith27 i don't really remember what i said, so i can't really respond to what you said lol

[judith27]

@justagurl23 I meant when they talk about Anorexia/EDs. Btw. in contrast it's so strange, doctors - when you mention EDNOS - they look at you as if just another one of these, overexaggerating with stuff seen on TV. :X

[justagurl23]

@judith27 yeah that's why a lot of medical doctors are useless when it comes to treating EDs. they are just there to monitor weight and labs so are more the ones that will make ignorant comments. that's why they aren't the main support a person with ED should have since they will probably hurt the person more with things they do or say half than an actual specialist.

[jlt1984]

That's neat that you have a group led by a therapist to attend. I hope you can benefit from the group and not feeling too uncomfortable or overwhelmed. Is the group free?

[merelyme02]

It’s interesting to compare your sister’s response to her daughter’s concern about feeling fat --telling her to “go throw up”-- with your family’s response to your expression of how difficult diet language is for to have to hear—“don’t worry about it” Both responses give the messages that ‘you don’t matter’ that they ‘don’t care’. Any wonder why anorexics want to disappear; as you once said “to shrink inside a crack in the sidewalk.” Mattering to others matters. Great to hear from you, Ashley.

[judith27]

@justagurl23 So true, many doctors believe in their competency, but take cheap shortcuts when the insecurity comes up about how life organizes outside medicine. That they assume to be well-ordered - and then complain about it.

[Pigseye]

@justagurl23 I am sorry to hear that. I do know exactly how you feel. I just keep plugging away failing time after time.

What else can I do?

[justagurl23]

@knightflyte i just read a book on PTSD that explained a lot of things i try explaining. it made me feel less alone even though i know i'm not. it's one of the best books i've read that describes it, especially since it's from a child abuse survivor. it talks about how we are told to 'stop' being victims because it makes others uncomfortable to think that we still struggle and that it's still so dark and scary..but telling people to stop being a victim is a form of invalidation as well.