Cope with Narcissists: Abandon or Mirror

Everything you Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq1.html

Dump him and go about reconstructing your own life. Very few people deserve the kind of investment that is an absolute prerequisite to life with a narcissist. To cope with a narcissist is a full time, energy and emotion-draining job, which reduces people around him to insecure nervous wrecks. Who deserves such a sacrifice?

No one, to my mind, not even the most brilliant, charming, breathtaking, suave narcissist. The glamour and trickery wear thin and underneath them a monster lurks which irreversibly and adversely influences the lives of those around it for the worse.

Narcissists are incorrigibly and notoriously difficult to change. Thus, trying to "modify" them is doomed to failure. You should either accept them as they are or avoid them altogether. If one accepts the narcissist as he is -- one should cater to his needs. His needs are part of what he is. Would you have ignored a physical handicap? Would you not have assisted a quadriplegic? The narcissist is an emotional cripple. He needs constant adulation. He cannot help it. So, if one chooses to accept him -- it is a package deal, all his needs included.

(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html)

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• narcissist
• abandonment
• mirroring
• coping
• rage
• desertion
• fear
• anxiety
• narcissistic supply
• conflicts
• trauma
• abuse
• capriciousness
• arbitrariness
• unpredictability

[scarletfrankly1]

Thank u so much for these. I m JUST learnig tonight the name of the environment that I grew up in. Years ago I began to deal with something I knew was not right - I had to stop talking with my N 'mom' --- I chose abandonment for my own dignity and self respect - I have to read ur book as I am still very much on a healing path -

[samvaknin]

@scarletfrankly1 Thanks for the kind words. Buy the book from Barnes and Noble (online or physical store). Amazon copies are second-hand and much more expensive.

[samvaknin]

Yes, it can. Search my website for the keyword body.

[twopurringcats]

Sadistically judgmental..this is my monstrous mother. She can dish it but she cannot take it. When I've stood up to her, she just whines and acts wounded, like I was sooo horrible to pick on poor little ol' her. I didn't stoop to her level..I didn't insult her core being, rather told her to stop being mean. Blasphemy, in her mind. She then ran to my father for comfort..big, bad daughter..me..didn't fit into her mold of victim..and now I have left her life on my own volition. Feels good.

[screamingcupcake]

wow. You described my ex to a tee.

[missdarkangelxxx]

they must like vunrable women

[MultiMudskipper]

Good stuff.

[persiancatsarecool]

Danika you sound like a young girl, you are describing abusive behavior can you stay with your mom? good luck you deserve better

[danikaWDWICP]

I swear my dad's narcissist. I went to my mom's so she could take me to the doctor but it turned out that i had to stay with mom a bit longer for more doctors appt's. My dad, for this reason, kicked me out and said it was all my fault. During a fight he claimed he can cancel my internship because he 'knows the CEO'. He has thrown bags and bump me into walls. He also keeps a voodoo doll beside his bed with 2 needles in the heart/one in the head. my doc thinks i have anx/dep. could this be why?

[evpointfinder]

Raging back at my NPD father fails. He threw me out twice knowing I had no place to go. Yelling back excelerates his rage to where I have had to quickly exit the house to escape. He screamed at me from the porch. Then he went to all the neighbors bad mouthing me, telling them that I was "Telling HIM how to run his life". When I finally ended up in the hospital for depression, it only strengthened his story to them that I am mentally ill! BUT, the Dr's told me HE was mentally ill, not me.

[RobGordon35]

Wow.

[iamestrella]

great advice!

[Baabaaboo2]

It is very hard to do what you say especially if you have children.  My np has no feelings at all.