What to do about a co-worker who is mean: Dealing with jealousy on the job

It seems like this happens to everyone at some point in their lives. You start a new job, and everyone is really nice...except for one person. You don't even know him/her, and yet he is mean and nasty to you from the get-go. It can't be anything you said because you haven't said or done anything yet. And this person seems to be really nice to everyone else. What could it be? Obviously you intimidate him in some way. Either you're better looking, smarter, better at your job, whatever. The way to handle these types of people, is to kill them with kindness. Smile at every single thing they say. Even the most biting remarks can be met with a big fat fake smile! And when others witness this exchange, the person who looks bad won't be you...it will be him. Things may never be perfect between the two of you, but at least you will have a civil working relationship.

Category:

Howto & Style

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• mean
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• co-workers
• fellow
• employees
• who
• make
• your
• life
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• you
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• are
• trying
• to
• bring
• down
• resentful
• jealous
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[mariedubuque]

That is too funny!

[landth78]

I love the way you talk in these videos :)

It's almost as if you're telling us a really big secret

Today in class, my teacher said "Does anyone know?" And then I immediately pictured you saying "A viewer wants to know..."

[n68firebird]

I wouldn't know about the "kill 'em with kindness" approach; I think assertiveness is a better answer for certain situations. Pick your battles, if you ignore or sidestep someone else's nastiness they may just escalate the situation to the point where you have to say something - such as, "that was uncalled for" or the like. Some people don't respect other peoples' 'space' or the fact that everyone has rights in the workplace.

[SammySpectacular10]

I used to work at a Daycare I knew my boss since i was born she was like a family friend so i thought hey great i can work with her this will be great! No! she turned into a totally different person working with her and I was forced to quit everything i did was always wrong i tried helping the kids pick a toy up she would lecture me saying we're not here to be friends and play with kids always walked in and assumed i was doing something wrong when i wasn't so i quit.

[cayenechilli]

@archifx yes, true, it varies on every individual, sometimes it works, sometimes not. the ignore strategy no longer works if they are so consistent and keeps on repeating things--or when you are already too much provoked. we can't be numb all the time, and especially when we are already too much stressed or burnout w/ work, we don't want these stuffs to add up. it is not a situation where you only see them once to ignore and forget. yup i agree, that finding another job can be a better option.

[cayenechilli]

@jvillavic true, I super agree with everything you said---others may be intelligent or too clever, its deadly, and yes the indirect strategy and brainwashing others to be their allies is also true. we don't have to get our pride just to stay in that place when we have a choice to quit.

[archifx]

@cayenechilli exactly. Sometimes they don't stop and keep getting worst and worst.

[archifx]

Personally for me killing with kindness it just doesn't work. 1st because I have to waste all this energy in being fake, then sometimes the mean co-worker catches the trap.. but then I have to be fake all the time (which is draining), and have to pretend I like this person which I will never like because you know the moment you are not "winnie pooh" in front of them, they are going to crush you into pieces. I just try to ignore them, but overall.. just try to find another job, it's too draining.

[DarianCrouse]

I work with two people who are like this but being nice is actually a weakness. Instead of trying to work things out like adults, they resort to childish tactics like texting about me and not speaking to me. While I'm a big boy and can take it and actually don't care, I feel sorry for them because karma is around the corner.

[meliify]

can you be my mother lol im 23 i need youuu jus started a new job ughh the girls are killing me and im so nice i dont deserve it!

[cayenechilli]

the smile thing could be good, but remember that there are other more mean people, who, when feel offended or disappointed(or being unsuccessful of their "mean" lines), their pride will take over, they're gonna make the best effort to bring you down until other people will lose trust on you or even lose your job.

[A2J4DAYS]

I love this advice. Such a beautiful lady giving sound answers.

[jvillavic]

kindness only works with authoritarian folks (basically they explode) , other bastards are more intelligent and would try to hurt you indirectly by seeking allies. i suggest to quit the job and broke their nose, at least they may learn the lesson.