The Unassailable Asexual: Part 2

"The Unassailable Asexual" is a phenomenon surrounding who we choose as our spokespeople in the asexual community--most notably, we tend to prop up representatives who don't have any other non-normative traits besides asexuality to blame their "problem" on, which makes them seem more accessible to the mainstream community. But this tendency is also erasing to asexuals who have one or more additional non-normative traits. This half-hour special is my attempt to debunk "unassailability" and outline qualities legitimately asexual people may also have, while explaining why these traits aren't necessarily "to blame."

Featured in this video:
1. Asexuality and sex-repulsedness.
2. Asexuality and sex drive/masturbation.
3. Asexuality and youth/maturity.
4. Asexuality and unattractiveness/social awkwardness.
5. Asexuality and romance.
6. Asexuality and happiness.

With images and videos used with permission: Holly (TheAnxiousWriter), Victoria (ExsRAUS), Jenni (beyondweird13), Sassy (Sassafrasish), Ninny (BountyNinny), Arne (BelgianBollocks), Wojtek (Otherness), Kimberlee (keraizee), and Gaia (GaiaShirley).

Category:

Nonprofits & Activism

Tags:

• unassailable
• asexual
• aven
• asexuality
• sexuality
• awareness
• lgbt
• hot
• pieces
• of
• ace
• hpoa
• swankivy
• theanxiouswriter
• exsraus
• beyondweird13
• sassafrasish
• bountyninny
• belgianbollocks
• otherness
• keraizee
• gaiashirley
• masturbation
• sex
• drive
• romance

[LoneIrbis]

And your work is for sure an important step for this to happen. I actually admire your input on the asexual awareness topic, and it's not something i say all around. ^^' I believe that sometime in a future all orientations will be accepted by most civilized societies as a variation of norm, and that time could be much longer into future if not yours and others activists work. At very least, it's not a worse way to spend one's life then constantly wanting sex or ranting on those who doesn't. :P

[swankivy]

@LoneIrbis I like to think my work has made a difference, and thank you for the admiration. :) In the next version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, they're going to change how Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder is presented (because many asexuals can get falsely diagnosed as having HSDD based on the current definition), and the change is partly a result of the asexual community's having addressed it and petitioned for change. :)

[LoneIrbis]

But while it's not common for me to just drop the thing until i get to the core of it, less nerdy person could've easily go emo, delete all link on asexual stuff, etc. It could've take some time for them to get back in touch with asexuality if that's who they are, but just got the idea wrong. Which by no means is a fault of your videos, or anything at all in particular. I consider it as a side-effect of how most of 'newborn' communities works until it gets wide and known enough.

[swankivy]

@LoneIrbis Right, I can see viewers assuming they've found something that's close but not quite right, and feeling that they can't be asexual because one of the commonly cited "excuses" for asexuality is true for them (like having been sexually abused, having a disease or disorder, or being young).

[LoneIrbis]

It's not like your top10 and nothing else made me feel less comfortable as asexual, and it was a very needed info at first place. But until i've started digging into lots and lots of info gathered by community, i wasn't sure if it was a correct term to use for me. As if 'ok, so asexuals are those nearly perfect guys and girls who just happen to not be attracted to any gender nor want sex for no particular reason - then it's unlikely the proper label in my case, i need to look more carefully'. ^^

[swankivy]

@LoneIrbis I see. Well, since asexuals are people like anyone else, they're bound to have their own flaws, their own quirks, and their own experiences of other non-normative traits at similar or identical rates as the rest of the population (like how people assume an asexual is asexual because of being religious, and even though that's not relevant, there certainly ARE religious asexuals).

[swankivy]

@LoneIrbis Yeah, I didn't join any groups for a long time, until I realized that the best way to be a voice for a misunderstood minority is to talk to both groups. :) (Don't want to end up misrepresenting anyone.) I felt no need personally to find fellowship with other asexuals, even though I like it when people understand and share my experiences; I just didn't feel lost and alone like a lot of people do when their experiences aren't common.

[swankivy]

@LoneIrbis Thanks so much for the compliment on my success in translating the experience into words. I pride myself on doing so in an accessible way and I like hearing that I succeeded.

[LoneIrbis]

And i do understand what you mean on if your older videos could give a wrong idea. Tbh, i remember how i bumped into your old top 10 about 3 years ago, when i happened to discover the 'asexual' term for myself. I had no youtube acc, and since then i hadn't checked back on your channel, and hadn't connected much with asexual community (being a hardcore introvert myself, usually i just read things, but rarely participate).

[LoneIrbis]

It's me again. ^^ I've been commenting on your last video, and now i just wanted to say... indeed, i can relate to many points you've made here. Even more so, i think it's brilliant. Nearly every word you say (not only here - i'm familiar with some of your texts too) i've been thinking to myself and even trying to explain to others for YEARS. And here you are, so easily and impossibly accurate converting it all into a half an hour awareness-awesomeness, if i may say. ^.^ (and now i'm gonna spam)