The Church Of Vashog

The Church Of Vashog
is dedicated to bringing an organized worshiping place for a giant hermaphroditic blue whale.
This is the first official Church of this kind.
The official name for this religion is "Vashogism".
Anyone can be a Vashogist as long as they believe in giant whales, hermaphrodites, and freedom.




The Beginning

1. In the beginning Vashog imploded from the 618th dimension.

2. And Vashog felt a pain in its stomach.

And it gurped out the sun, the planets, and the asteroids.

3. And Vashog felt a strange pain in its stomach.

And it gurped out plants and animals.

4. And Vashog didn't care.

And the plants and animals randomly flew towards the various bits of gurpage.

5. And Vashog felt a strong pain in its stomach.

And it gurped out humans.

6. And Vashog didn't care.

And the humans randomly flew towards the various bits of gurpage.

7. And the pain in Vashog's stomach stopped.

And there was silence.

8. And Vashog swam to another part of the galaxy.

And the plants, animals, and humans were left to fend for themselves..

9. And the humans saw the plants and animals and brewed some thoughts.

And the humans ate a lot of plants and animals.

10. And the humans saw each other and brewed some thoughts.

And the humans started to procreate.

11. And Vashog didn't care.

And the humans rejoiced.

12. And in their revelry, the humans brewed some thoughts.

And they realized that they had something special.

13. And the humans realized they had something called "Free Will."

And there were other humans who tried to suppress this "Free Will.".

14. And the "Free" humans tried to explain that Vashog had given them a gift, and that gift was good.

But the others would not listen, and the Vashogists were ridiculed.




gurp (GERP): v. to (willingly or unwillingly) expel dissolved nutrients from one's stomach, up one's trachea, and out one's mouth. The expelled nutrients are in the form of a fine brown mist that hovers in the air. In the examples mentioned above, the resulted gurpage is so huge that it clings together in the immense vacuum of space to create a galaxy. e.g. "When little Billy fell, I could swear that I saw him gurp up a lung!" gurpage(GERP'edj): n. the result of gurping. gurpy(GERP'ee): adj. to feel as if one is going to gurp.



-created by Jason Doyle

Category:

Nonprofits & Activism

Tags:

• vashog
• religion
• freedom
• giant
• hermaphroditic
• blue
• whale
• Vashogism
• 618th
• dimension
• gurped
• grup

[impailed72]

"vashog" is a deformed whale! hahaha. Souls are what separtes you from being inanimate and living. lol. You think your better than other people because you believe something ridiculous. Appearently you think Christians are insane. Was it insane for christians to come to a new continent , fight and die so that people could worship what they want? No it wasnt. You might want to thank Christians for your wasted opportunity. your brain is deformed, were your parents Hippies?

[ChurchOfVashog]

If Christians lead me to Vashog, then they were but a tool of Its divine plan

[impailed72]

Well see, the difference between this and normal religions is. The person who made this is a retard. Worship a he/she whale. Why not just worship a prostitute with a dick. Where do you go when you die. Do you suck the dick and lick the vagina of that whale. Idiots.

[ChurchOfVashog]

@impailed72

What do you mean where do you go when you die? Have you not seen a funeral home before? Or are you talking of some magic spirit soul?

Do you seriously expect me to believe in a soul, that is insane. I believe in Vashog and It will be here in my lifetime because once your dead, your dead. you live on in the memories of others and in the impact you made in life.

You don't go to some magical fairy place when you die. You go there when Vashog comes.

[Belphegorfan54]

And you thought scientology was crazy =)

[ChurchOfVashog]

Scientology is crazy, who could follow an insane religion like then when the First Vicar gives us such complete knowledge of all things we need to know.

I feel the same about Christians and Muslims and Jews when they reject Vashog.

[impailed72]

@ChurchOfVashog Christians lead you to FREEDOM. Your several generations of retardation lead you to vashog.