NU Confidential 2:5- Shapsody

Northwestern Law's Wigmore Follies 2007

SHAPO:
You think you're real smart
You think you're onto me
But you have no i-
dea with whom you're trifling.

SHEPO:
Open your eyes.
He's got a surprise for you...

SHAPO:
I'm a professor—
spare me your sympathy,
because it's all a part
of my plan
to make a live
torts exam
All of this was just a
giant fact pattern to me...
to me.

JOHNNY:
Shapo: you shot a Dell—
put a gun against its screen
and blew it to smithereens.

Shapo, why'd you do it, man?

SHAPO:
Oh, don't you see the beauty of my plan?

JOHNNY:
Shapo, ooooooh, you seem like a nice guy—
Did you just do this 'cause you're four feet tall?

SHAPO:
Not at all, not at all—
Size doesn't really matter.

SHEPO:
I tried to inform on him
Met your friend in the stacks
narrated him much the facts.

JOHNNY:
Shapo, no not you—Helene!
No one can understand a word you say.
Shapo you-ou-ou-ou...You deserve to fry.
Don't you wish you'd never tortfeased at all?

SHAPO:
I'm not sorry for my pedagogy plan

CROWD:
Shame on you! Shame on you! You really put us all in danger!

SUSIE:
Falling books and fire never could inspire me!

SHEPO:
Ham and Mayo

ROY:
What'd she say-o?!

SHEPO:
Ham and Mayo

ROY:
What'd she say-o?!

SHEPO:
Ham and Mayo please, to go!

STUDENT:
She isn't Co-oh-oh-herent!

SHAPO:
I've got tenure here—nobody can touch me!

VAN ZANDT:
He's one of very few respected members of our faculty.
Stop in the name of our school's next ranking!

SHAPO: I've got young minds to blow—will you let me go?

SHEPO: Bismillach!

CROWD: No! We will not let you go!

SHAPO: Let me go!

SHEPO: Bismillach!

CROWD: We will not let you go!

SHAPO: Let me go!

SHEPO: Bismillach!

CROWD: We will not let you go!

SHAPO: Let me go!

CROWD: Never let you go!

SHAPO: Let me go!

CROWD: Never let you go-oh-oh! [overlap]

CROWD: Never never never never never let you go—No No No No No No NO!

SHAPO: Oh Mama Mia, Mama Mia, Mama Mia let me go!

CROWD: The Honors Code has a penalty that's right for you! For you! For you!!!!

SHAPO:
Students these days just cram right before the exam!
And their knowledge about torts is all just a sham!

SHEPO:
Oh, Baby! Why'd you do this thing, baby?!
SHAPO:
Just got to get them, just got to get them full of fear...

CROWD: Ooh! Ooh, yeah! Ooh yeah! [Guitar]

SHAPO:
Torts is all that matters. Li-a-bil-i-ty!
Torts is all that matters, torts is all that matters...to meeeeeee!

SUSIE: One L Year exams...blow....... [gong]

Category:

Entertainment

Tags:

• wigmore
• follies