1. Reporters Struggling To Maintain Energy Until Election

  2. Blood-Drenched, Berserk CEO Demands More Web Videos

  3. Martin Luther King Bust First Thing To Go, Romney Advisor Quietly Thinking

  4. Penn State Offers Victims The Chance To Vandalize Joe Paterno's Statue

  5. PARAMETER: The A.V. Club's Short Film Competition

  6. Erin Bares It All - Sex House - Ep. 4

  7. Tidal Pools: Nature's Putrid Sewers - Horrifying Planet - Ep. 3

  8. 100 iPhones Found In Lake - Lake Dredge Appraisal

  9. Kenneth Branagh's Mechanical Spider Attacking You? Stop Him - Troublehacking with Drew Cleary

  10. This Week In History: Holy Shit, Man Walks On Fucking Moon

  11. HP Offers 'That Cloud Thing Everyone Is Talking About'

  12. Captain Actual America Overweight, Hopelessly In Debt

  13. Cubs Finally Remove Wrigley Field Ivy After Third Outfielder Hangs Himself On A Vine

  14. Get On That Pole! - Sex House - Ep. 3

  15. Chimpanzees: Dumber Than All Humans - Horrifying Planet - Ep. 2

  16. Mountain Dew Can Provides Pleasant Challenge For Appraiser - Lake Dredge Appraisal

  17. My iPhone Is Covered In White Mold! Help! - Troublehacking with Drew Cleary

  18. Ron Paul Makes Campaign Stop In Whimsical Jalopy

  19. New Ad Urges Hipsters To Go To Applebee's Ironically

  20. Sexy Truth or Sexy Dare - Sex House - Ep. 2

  21. Zebras: Nature's Ultimate Prey - Horrifying Planet - Ep. 1

  22. Lake Dredge Appraisal - Chicken Wire/Muddy Pot

  23. Troublehacker - Whenever I Leave The House, Broken Glass Cuts My Feet

  24. New Prius Helps Environment By Killing Its Owner

  25. Sex House - Meet The Nymphos - Ep. 1

  26. Romney's Numbers Skyrocket After Prostitute Reveals She Paid Him To Sleep With Her

  27. Roger Federer Nearly Blows Chance At Wimbledon By Introducing Crabgrass To The Courts

  28. Internet Scam Alert: Most "Kickstarter" Projects Just Useless Crap

  29. Are Wetland Preserves Simply Dead-Body Dumping Grounds?

  30. Nike Releases New Olympic Track Suits Designed To Limit Penis Wind Resistance

  31. Tea Party Quiet... Too Quiet

  32. Breaking Story So New Reporter Literally Has No Information

  33. This Week In History: Statue Of Liberty Arrives From France, Moves Into Cramped Tenement Building

  34. Romney Wears Anti-Bacterial Yellow Gloves While Greeting Rust Belt Americans

  35. Miami Marlins Deploy Airborne Drones to Seek Young Fans, Shoot T-Shirts At Them

  36. Reporter Goes Undercover In Chinatown By Wearing Silk Robe

  37. Group Of Hunky Cardinals Appeals To Pope To Relax Celibacy Requirement

  38. Middle-Aged Woman Angrily Demanding Price Check Was Once Carefree Youth, Onlookers Speculate

  39. 'The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust' Release Popularizes Glam Rock, Glam Education, Glam Politics

  40. Failed Musician Comes Crawling Back To Hometown

  41. Insecure Miami Heat Can't Figure Out Who Garnett Called a "Sloppy-Chested Shit"

  42. Earthquake Late-Warning System Goes Off In Haiti

  43. Brooklyn Bridge Opens, Completely Revolutionizes Suicide In Fetid Hellhole Of New York City

  44. Behind The Pen: Nanny State, Ninny State

  45. High Unemployment Rate Linked To One Man With 42,000 Jobs

  46. Behind The Pen: Collective Wisdom

  47. Man Approaching Attractive Woman Fails To Notice Chelsea Handler Book Until It's Too Late

  48. Romney To Undergo Gender Reassignment Surgery To Better Connect With Women Voters

  49. This Week In History: First McDonald's Opens With A Young Grimace Just Starting Out As A Cashier

  50. Search Crews Continue To Look For Obviously Dead Hikers

  51. Behind The Pen: The Chinese Threat

  52. Republicans Stalling Obama's Agenda By Speaking, Moving In Slow Motion

  53. This Week In History: V.E. Day Commemorated With Historic Radio Address From FDR's Rotting Corpse

  54. After Weeks Of Media Pressure, Shia LaBeouf Still Refusing To Have Public Meltdown

  55. Dying Chevron Executive Excited To One Day Become Oil

  56. In Bipartisan Spirit, Obama Makes Deal To Get Kicked In Balls

  57. Behind The Pen: How Marriage Works

  58. This Week In History: Sears Tower Constructed With Bold Challenge To God Engraved On Roof

  59. Santorum Now Viciously Condemning Homosexuals, Minorities, Women For $100,000 Speaking Fee

  60. Romney Courts Hispanic Vote With Animated Sombrero-Wearing Parrot

  61. Medium Channels The Spirits Of Old Acquaintances For Awkward Small Talk

  62. It Easy To Tell What Area Man Will Look Like As Skeleton

  63. Biden Unveils New Health Initiative To Make U.S. Women Hotter

  64. Kanye West In Feud With Nation Of Syria

  65. Obama's Approval Rating Down After Photos Surface Of Him Eating Big Sandwich All Alone

  66. Report: Typical City Bus Contains No Fewer Than Four Erections At Any Given Time

  67. Report: Every Potential 2040 President Already Unelectable Due To Facebook

  68. Four American Troops Tragically Killed Along With 23 Afghanis

  69. Eric Cantor Tossed By Bucking Mitch McConnell During Congressional Rodeo

  70. Democrats: Obama Has Dicked Us Around For Four Years, Now It's Our Turn

  71. Reporter Helps Starving Dogs By Personally Shooting Them

  72. Romney To Travel Back In Time To Kill Liberal Versions Of Himself

  73. Stephen Strasburg Ceremoniously Re-Injures Arm On Opening Day

  74. Shelby Cross Warns Women Self-Defense Classes "A Trap"

  75. Man With Nice Eyes Blown

  76. Today Now! Host Undergoes Horrifically Painful Surgery Live On Air

  77. After 1 Week In New York Tim Tebow Already A Gay, Homeless Crack Addict

  78. Small-Town Mayor Steps Down Amid Scandal Over Forged Coupon

  79. Joad Cressbeckler Denies He Incited Mob To Drag Congressman Through Briar Patch

  80. Nation's First Boombox-Carrying, Rollerskating Congressman Broke Boundaries

  81. Broncos Receivers Worried Peyton Manning Going To Expose How Bad They Are

  82. Purity Of War Marred By One Bad Apple In Afghanistan

  83. Google Shuts Down Gmail For Two Hours To Show Its Immense Power

  84. Romney, Santorum Supporters To Beat Living Shit Out Of Each Other At Montana Primary

  85. Nation Abuzz With Prospect Of 18-Year-Old Boys Having Their Dreams Crushed

  86. Sale Of BET To White Supremacist Group Results In No Changes To Programming

  87. Could The Use Of Flying Death Robots Be Hurting America's Reputation Worldwide?

  88. Teen's Death Hits Reporter Hard

  89. Embarrassing Bounced Check From Greece Taped Up In IMF Headquarters

  90. Minnesota Braces For Return Of Bachmann's Full Attention

  91. Black Conservatives Support Candidate Whose Religion Believes Black People Bear Mark Of Cain

  92. Romney's Super Tuesday Polls Surge After He Begins Flaunting His Wealth

  93. Police: Kidnapped MoveOn.org Staffer's "Please Help" Emails Went Completely Ignored

  94. Heartbroken Santorum Condemns Gay Marriage For Two-Timing Jerks Like Nick

  95. Woman Sets Record For Longest Amount Of Time Spent Talking About Oneself

  96. World's Youngest Person Born

  97. Facebook To Allow Changes To Privacy Settings If Users Guess Word In Locket Worn By Mark Zuckerberg

  98. NewsBlitz: Senate Session Interrupted By Wailing Of Ted Kennedy's Ghost

  99. Leaf From "Tree Of Life" Frontrunner For Best Actor Oscar