Lawyer Man - to my divorce attorney by Steve Deasy

What do you call 3 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start! You get the idea. Ever since I wrote this song, people tell me their lawyer jokes. I think I am going to start a blog and ask people to post their lawyer jokes at my blog. Or, hey, just post them here in the comments section.

LAWYER MAN
music and lyrics copyright 2004 by Stephen J. Deasy

Sing a song about the lawyer man
He'll take your money any way he can
Hes chasin' after your ambulance
Hes takin' half of your inheritance
Driving up in a Mercedes Benz
Hell pretend that youre the best of friends
But keep your guard up, be forewarned
Love hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned

Two farmers fight about a cow
Ones got the head, ones got the tail
But our good old friend the lawyer
He milks the cow and steals the pail
Its a mystery to me
Dont understand the way he think
How come he can join the bar
But Im the one who needs a drink?

Its like hes guided by some unknown force
Towards catastrophes and my divorce
Just when you think your life is a curse
Youre called to court and find it can get worse
Not all attorneys are bad, its said
Its been pointed out to me that some are dead
So dont go thinking that theyre all to blame
Its just the ninety-nine percent that give the rest a bad name

Youre stranded with a lawyer,
Mussolini, and Adolf Hitler too
But youve only got two bullets
So what the hell you gonna do?
Its an ethical dilemma
So you best take my advice
Let two of them go
Shoot the lawyer twice

Little boy jumped up on my knee
And he asked me, Daddy what should I be?
I told him he could be a diplomat
A prince, a pauper, or aristocrat
Just dont be a lawyer, that would bring me grief
I would sooner sire a common thief
Or a drifter like Tom Sawyer, man
Than have that boy of mine grow up to be a lawyer man

Lawyer man
Dont be a lawyer man
(Repeat, ad lib , ad nauseum, habeus corpus, corpus dilecti,
quid pro quo, et cetera)

Category:

Music

Tags:

• lawyer
• cruel and unusual punishment
• wayne newton
• martone
• clawson
• divorce
• tammy wynette
• fingerstyle
• guitar

[brenbess]

God:  So, how are things in Hell?

Satan: Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators Man, there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.

God: What! You’ve got an engineer? That’s obviously a mistake! Send him to me.

Satan: Not a chance. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him!

God: Send him back or I’ll sue!

Satan: Yeah, right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?

[biggest312]

That was hilarious. Let's not have laws, but have true personal liberty, like they have in Somalia.

[hendenson]

Shoot the lawyer twice. Hahahahahahaha!

[kaburto1966]

I think I recognize that shoulder and knee : )