Maxwell Dorian, Valedictorian

Think you got what it takes to be Valedictorian? Maxwell Dorian takes us through a day in his life.

Here are the lyrics (in case you feel like geeking out):
MAXWELL DORIAN, VALEDICTORIAN
I SPEAK IN THREE WEEKS TO THE ENTIRE AUDITORIUM
HEAVY CORDS BUT I BEAR 'EM, MEDALS CHAFE BUT I WEAR 'EM
SIX STEPS TO ACADEMIC SUCCESS, NOW LET ME SHARE 'EM:

FIRST PERIOD, CALCULUS, EASY AS PI
BUT SUCKAS REAL AS i, THEY TRY TO SPY MY ASSIGNMENT
THEY'D LIKE TO DERIVE WHAT'S INSIDE OF MY HEAD
THAT'S WHERE I MAKE MATH MY MISTRESS, DENOMINATE HER IN BED

KANT KEEP UP WITH ME ONCE PHILOSOPHY STARTS
SO SMART I PICK SARTRE APART, DISCREDIT DESCARTES
I THINK THEREFORE I AM AT THE TOP OF MY CLASS
WHY AM I HERE? LET ME THINK, TO KICK ASS

A THOROUGH UNDERSTANDING OF THOREAU, THIRD PERIOD
A MYRIAD OF WEARY EYES READ THE (IRA) ILIAD
BUT NOT ME I'M A.P. THAT TEXT IS TOO TAME
THEY'RE STRIKING OUT WITH HOMER, I'M RE-JOYCE-IN' IN JAMES

P.E.'S NOT EXACTLY FOR ME, BUT I DON'T CARE
I'LL GET MY "A" ANYWAY-- IN BAND I'M FIRST CHAIR
PIANISSIMO, FORTISSIMO, I GOTTA BE HEARD
YEAH I NEVER MISS A CODA-- NEVER MISS A CODA-- WORD!

SIXTH PERIOD, HISTORY, TOP OF MY GAME
I'M LIKE NAPOLEON BUT TALL, WITHOUT A RUSSIAN CAMPAIGN
I DIDN'T STUDY FOR THE FINAL I'M A DOWNRIGHT HISTORIAN
....MAXWELL DORIAN, SALUTATORIAN

Special thanks to Tyler Jacobson for rocking out the sweet graphics and to Andrew Weed for some kick-A fx work.

www.baratsandbereta.com

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• barats
• and
• bereta
• baratsandbereta
• maxwell
• dorian
• valedictorian
• school
• graduation
• football

[todaystomsawyer]

I hate to do this, but:

Thumbs up if you got all the calculus jokes!

[raizumichin]

Thumbs up for the literature jokes. Seriously, the world of comedy needs more references to James Joyce.

[babyloubee]

This was recorded with a potato, no?

[STevEKlm012]

Ah, Ulysses. How I hated that book.

[dilsco]

@todaystomsawyer

They really weren't even that hard to get.

[AsianTaeHyun]

@todaystomsawyer I got all the references. 7th grade.

[Budogenkai]

haha FOOTBALL!

[comradesteve1990]

@raizumichin Nah man, the world of comedy needs more Kant references.

[jpATempestWest]

FOOTBALL!

[errOHneoS]

I understood all of this. And I didn't even break 3.0 in high school =P

[sarge301]

FOOBAA!