LSJUMB - Kal 2008 Halftime

Stanford @ Kal - 11/22/08
Big Game
LSJUMB Halftime Show: The Hayward Fault Show

...and now, here to shake your hands and kiss your babies, its TOTOTTILSJUMB!

1. 140 Years
Announcer: As many of you wacky Berkeley-ites know, UC Berkeley and - more specifically - Memorial Stadium are located right on the Hayward Fault. They say that a major quake occurs about every 140 years; so, according to our complicated earthquake prediction algorithm, were pretty sure that the earthquake will hit... NOW!.... Now! .... now?

2. Shaking Out the Trees
Announcer: Why dwell on the calamitous potential that a major earthquake has to destroy Memorial Stadium when we can look at the positives? Next time you need to rid your trees of those pesky hippies, fire up the ol fault and get things shakin!

3. Free Speech
Announcer: Another great thing about the impending Berkeley earthquake is that it will expand our first amendment rights! Did you know that the original Kal Free Speech Zone was created by an earthquake? The US Geological Survey estimates that a 9.2 earthquake would open up a new Free Speech Zone right here in the middle of the football field.

4. Tightwad Hill
Announcer: All those cheapskates watching Kal football for free will finally get whats coming to them when Tightwad Hill is swallowed by the gaping crack created when the earth tears open. Theyll sure wish they had bought season tickets when theyre being crushed by thousands of pounds of pressure between the Earths crust and mantle.

5. Memorial Stadium
Announcer: Finally, in a year when the UC system is suffering from budget cuts, Kal Athletics can save millions on Memorial Stadiums reconstruction by waiting until the Big One takes care of the basic demolition. And we can count on the residents of Berkeley to loot the rest!

Outro:
Join us next season when we'll have found out if the financial crisis was actually funny or just plain terrifying! Youve been watching TOTOTTILSJUMB!

Category:

Comedy