Warheads Chewy Cubes Unwrapping And Taste Test Review

I can only assume the people who routinely enjoy regular Warheads are masochists.
It's the only candy I know that leaves you sore for days afterward.

Packaging

A giant exploding mushroom cloud head. They certainly succeeded in going for something distinctive and original. Though I'm not entirely sure what it would take for a head to explode like that, it doesn't seem like the smartest of advertising. Who wants to eat candy that'll result in the top of their noggin being blown sky high? Well apparently millions, because this is one the most successful brands out there. The last time I had a Warhead was on May 14th, 2003. I remember it distinctly because it was when I decided to eat several Lemon and Black Cherry candies at once. The second the flavors had a chance to sink in (Around half a nanosecond), it felt like my mouth had just been struck by lightning. And in fact, it had. About 30 seconds later, large bolts of electricity began shooting out of my mouth. It seems the reason that Warheads don't want you consuming so many at once is because it'll transform you into Raiden from Mortal Kombat. Not knowing what to do with my new found powers, I decided to go for a walk. Taking a stroll down Michigan Avenue with the wrath of Zeus emitting out of your open mouth isn't as easy as it sounds. Mothers protected their children, men assembled pitchfork wielding mobs, and several packs of dogs were fast approaching. Before I knew it, the Army had been called in to get ahold of the situation. Now keep in mind, during all this I hadn't moved more than 5 feet. I was actually still near the Walgreens where I acquired these miniature oral nukes in the first place. As I glanced up at the brigade of fighter jets and Huey helicopters clustering the clear blue sky, I knew my time had come. I dashed back inside the Walgreens for a bit of cover and set up a blockade near the door. Sparks still flying out of my mouth, I needed to formulate a plan. I focused with all my new found celestial might and began my transformation. The only way out of this was to become a God. As the blue energy coursed through my veins, I felt a sense of enlightenment. A feeling that everything would be perfectly fine. At that moment, a NAVY Seal dropped in through the air vent and shot me twice in the head.

Rather excessive, one bullet would have been enough.


Taste, Texture, And Consistency

What I found most disappointing about these little cubes, was that they weren't sour in the least. Even when I shoveled a handful in mouth, I didn't get the slightest tinge of tartness. Maybe my taste buds have just been hardened from all the years of hot food. Actually, I've been getting back into spritzing hot sauce over everything I eat. I used to be a Frank's Red Hot man, but after trying out some other varieties, I think Cholula Garlic Lime is my new favorite. I really don't like a sauce that makes my throat feel like it's been carpet bombed. Heck, I can't even handle Tobasco! I was reading up a few weeks ago about something called the "Ghost Pepper". It's so hot that people have gone to the hospital from taking just one bite. It's also ludicrously expensive, I think one pepper costs around $13. Maybe one day if my gastrointestinal tract has been a real jerk, I'll hit it with a few shots of Mad Dog Sauce.

Until then, ol' Bessie will be spared.

Overall

Not a single hint of tartness, these tasted more like chewy Nerds than Warheads. A bit disappointing considering how hard I was searching for a sour torture-fest, but C'est la Vie. If you're a hardcore sour fanatic, avoid these.

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• sir
• sebastian
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• Neon
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• Evangelion
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• netflix

[fayep2000]

U rock.

Enough Said. :)

[frickfrock999]

@fayep2000

:3

[kytegirl]

I know who you are....and im not afraid to tell the world....you are arglefumph? Right, the Nancy Drew Lover? I knew i recognised that voice!

[frickfrock999]

@kytegirl

As sexy as that man's voice is, I cannot take credit for it.

[gamergeeko]

How many papayas?

[frickfrock999]

@gamergeeko

2.7

[frickfrock999]

@princeicio

Because I'm not human.

[frickfrock999]

@gamecubedude03

Agreed. :)

[Robomandude]

its not hair

its a mushroom cloud

nuclear warhead...

[mentosM4N]

these aren't sour at all.

[RockinRockstar4ever]

theres nothing sour about these at all

[xBeautifuLLiar9832x]

same fave color! ok im gunna stop stalking ur comment section now.

[kiwipunch2468]

I always thought of the person on the front as a dude with smoke exploding from his head...