Adoption - The Expected Sense of Gratitude

Dr. Amanda Baden discusses adoption and how society expects adoptees to be grateful for their situation and the pressures this can place on them.

Category:

Film & Animation

Tags:

• adoption
• adoptees
• china
• baden
• documentary

[batmanzena]

They shouldn't be grateful. International adoptees lost their mother, father, family, culture, heritage, country, flown across oceans to live with a strange family, all before they had a say in it.

It's the adoptive parents who should be grateful-the child gave up everything to "complete" their family. The adoptive parent who tells their child that they don't need to feel grateful is the parent that REALLY loves and respects their adoptive kid.

[teenlebean]

wow this hit me...I'm half indian/british. What you said about feeling you should be so grateful really hit home.I also grew up feeling very guilty.... and also the anger..I'm 39 and only now realising i AM actually really angry!! And I'm such a placid person..lots of buried stuff in there!I'm now seeking help from a counseller.

[metaldragon82]

Being told I am 'lucky' used to really hurt and made me feel awful, but I could never understand why. I don't understand why people feel they have the right to tell adoptees how they should feel/ be. I didn't ask to be adopted, to feel like a part of me is missing, that I am unwanted and unloveable. And on top of the pain, I am expected be 'grateful' and to feel 'lucky'. It's degrading!

[yummieyummie123]

Similar situations happen for foster kids too. Before I was adopted by them my foster mother at the time would say, (when I didn't feel like entertaining her entertain her two bratty spoiled cousins, to which I said to them, "You don't always get what you want!") "MY family does SO MUCH FOR YOU." My feelings and opinions ALWAYS come second to theirs.

I'm now cut off from them financially for taking a break from college (depression) and will be homeless/jobless when the dorms kick me out.

[Prkwon]

@batmanzena it's weird when you hear people say "grateful" with adoptee from foreign country especially if they

are adopted from a war torn countries or a country where they are recovering from. I am a Korean American and i talk to many older generation where they were adopted around K-War to late 80s where they were torn from their parents to live with strangers who doesn't speak their language and a lot of them abused them or didn't help them when they were being ostricized by friends

[rexappel]

I hate when ppl say that I am so lucky!! I didnt asked for shit...

[oiuweroiuwer]

excellent.

[SilverWolf1492]

@EbonyNewsChannel Thanks !

[LeeMIlby]

That said, i have seen the assumption before and feel that it's a common misconception that does need to be corrected

[Airstrik3]

omfg her new parents needa take care of her holy shit, u can tell that they only bring her to Mcdonalds for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

[maybetuesday1790]

She makes sense. NO child should ever have to feel as though the adopted parents did them a favor. Get over yourselves. YOU wanted a child. YOU asked to be the parents and not the other way around. That child did not ask you for anything.

[asian897]

I'm a Korean adoptee and I've had similar issues with feeling like this too. Because I often feel like if you're expected to be grateful, it's kind of like people saying that you would be worthless and pathetic if someone hadn't taken you in. And it's also like saying that you're not a strong, independent person and that you will always be in debt to the people who took you in.