Dragonfly

In January 2010, I lost a baby. She was the delight of my entire world for the (too-brief) time she shared my life. I had a 6-week ultrasound and saw her heartbeat, and it changed something in me more profoundly than I can describe. Then, at 10 weeks, I knew something was wrong. I had another ultrasound and, sure enough, there was no heartbeat. It broke my heart to lose her.

While I was pregnant, I wrote her letters. When I started, she was about the size of a lentil - I called her "Little Bean." I told her about my family and her father, about my life, about what I hoped for her and how I dreamed of our life together. I told her that things with her father were complicated, but one thing we shared was a thorough love of dragonflies. Their gauzy wings lift them out of still water and into the sky, and they glint as they zip into and out of vision. Beautiful.

It took a few weeks, but I slowly began to recover from losing her. And as I did, I sat at my piano and tried to "talk" to her again. Very slowly, I wrote her this song. And singing to my baby somehow healed me, little by little - heals me still.

This is the first time I am posting a video here with no visual arrangement or editing, not even makeup - this is how I look. And this is how I sound. Lyrics and music all by Little Bean's mama. Thank you for listening.

Dragonfly
You came to my life like a fire
You shone in the night
and I cry
'Cause I wanted more of you

I want your wings to grow
and I want your heart to soar
and I want to feel you more and more

Category:

Music

Tags:

• homemademusic
• baby
• dragonfly
• little bean

[romaryka]

@hunterpontiff Merci, du fond du coeur.

[hunterpontiff]

Très belle chanson; j'avoue que j'avais de vraies larmes aux yeux.  Lâchez pas!