OWN3D 2008

http://canadawatch.org
Conservative leader Stephen Harper made a bold political statement last weekend by marrying two women in a simultaneous civil ceremony.

In addition to Laureen Harper, his wife of the past 10 years, the leader of the opposition is now married to 34-year-old legal secretary Elsa Longenhurden of Ottawa and 30-year-old Elaine Nabob of Pickle Lake, Ont.

Harper made his second and third marriages public yesterday at a press conference in Ottawa, where he introduced brides number two and three to the national media.

"They're quite the lookers, eh? And, much more low mileage than the first wife!" exclaimed Harper, who then winked and made the universally recognized 'click click' sound out of the corner of his mouth. "What a wedding night! I'm still recovering!

"One wife can't possibly fulfill all of my needs," he continued. "Plus, it's gonna be great having an extra couple of broads around the house to help Laureen with the cookin' and cleaning and looking after the kids and all that other woman stuff."

According to Harper, his first wife, Laureen, wasn't in attendance at the press conference because she was "back home, fixin' up dinner."

The timing of the Conservative boss's new marriages-coming just days after Harper raised polygamy as a side effect of the 'slippery slope' ramifications of legalizing gay marriage-left some reporters wondering if Harper's adoption of the polygamous lifestyle is a provocation to the federal government to legalize polygamy under the Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

"Damn straight it's a challenge!" boasted Harper. "Come and get me, feds! If the gays can marry each other, why can't I shack up with a couple extra women? Huh? Why the hell not?"

The two new wives, ranked hierarchically as 'number two' (Longenhurden) and 'number three' (Nabob), have already settled into Stornaway, the official residence of the leader of the opposition, and assured reporters they both love their new man.

Longenhurden said she fell in love with Harper because of his tireless efforts to defend "traditional" marriage. "The way my Stevie has so eloquently explained the threat gay marriage poses to our great country, how can you not love that?" asked wife number two, a long-time Canadian Alliance and Conservative party activist who first met Harper at a swingers' convention.
Gay Marriage Photo
The threat of gay marriage is only starting to emerge
(Photo courtesy of samesexmarriage.ca)

"Imagine, gay people marrying. How abhorrent. That's not my Canada."

One brave reporter asked Nabob, a massage therapist, if the Leader of the Official Opposition was 'man' enough to...(shudder) satisfy three wives.

"Oh my God, yes," enthused wife number three. "It might not come across on TV, but my Stevie's a man of great...appetite. He can't get enough. The word 'insatiable' almost comes to mind."

"He's a raging inferno of passion, that Stephen is," confirmed Longenhurden. "I just hope I get first crack at big Stevie tonight!"

While it was suggested by some radical left-wing, bongo-playing chick reporter that polygamy is seen by many as extremely patriarchal and misogynistic, Harper brushed it off.

"A man having three wives isn't demeaning to women. Just because I rank them by number, we're still all equal. Me, Laureen, Elsa, and wife number three...what's her name again? We're all equal. As long as they agree with me, we're all equal."

Furthermore, he wouldn't rule out taking on more wives in the future.

"It depends how things work out. Once I'm Prime Minister, I'll probably need a couple more around, just to keep everything in order, and so I can have a couple of wives on call for all the traveling I'll be doing and all the dignitaries I'll be hosting."

While remarkably candid about his own affairs, Canada's newest bigamist refused to confirm rumours that Conservative Foreign Affairs critic, Stockwell Day (remember him?), will marry a donkey this weekend, in an effort to defy the nation's animal marriage laws and challenge the matter before the Supreme Court.

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[sodasoap]

jack layton is great

[CanadaPetitions]

he is one of the Only True Canadian Patriots (o;' nice to see someone with some balls !

[shaneyt]

Get a grip on reality and start complaining about real things. I HATE you " professional" protesters. GET A JOB!! I am a soldier and have been to Afghanistan 4 times ( 6 months each time). Try supporting us and get off the back of the Gov't for every issue that comes up. Maybe if you were half as smart as you thought you would be in Parliment instead of complaining about it...

[CanadaPetitions]

If i was in government you would be out of a Mercenary job and Farming like me ?

[shaneyt]

Perhaps you people that simply talk should put some effort into trying to help people. None of you are willing to give your life to help the lives of others. If it were not for us "mercenaries" as you like to call us, than none of you would have the right to whine about the gov't because you not be in a free country. Unless you are willing to fight for your rights with more than a sign and an unemployment cheque, remember that someone gave you the right to whine with their lives...

[CanadaPetitions]

What ? You think your the only Trained Soldier in the world - Your just as crazy as Bush and Cheney Bro. Just because I don't lick Boots - Doesn't mean People aren't trained. Nahh man. Your Wrong. If you knew what you were doing you would have never went...What about 911? What about NATO Secret Armies? What about a UN council that is Corrupt and uses Propaganda to enforce its Laws of Slavery and Abuse.

[macplumber]

Fascism’s principles are wafting in the air today, surreptitiously masquerading as something else, challenging everything we stand for. The cliché that people and nations learn from history is not only overused, but also overestimated; often we fail to learn from history, or draw the wrong conclusions. Sadly, historical amnesia is the norm. We are two-and-a-half generations removed from the horrors of Nazi Germany, although constant reminders jog the consciousness.

[celticcanuck2006]

I am a Canadian veteran of the USMC 1970-1973 I served on ships off the main land of Nam and had fiends die in War and let me tell you War does nothing to help anything I believe when it effects us directly we have to stand up or are neighbors are in trouble we owe them are help. But as far as Canada and the USA joining together why not just get rid of the borders and join make us all stronger it is nuts to keep up borders that only serve to deny some and give gain to others.

[mapgoon]

USA here, Canada is AWESOME!

Awesome country, awesome people!

[Osca1993]

okay maybe we shouldn't all be getting so worked up on youtube. Plus i'm Australian and have no idea what the fuck is going on in this video so i am quite neutral, anyone carwe to elaborate?

[shaneyt]

I am reading my comments and can't seem to find where I said I am the only Trained soldier in the world. Secret Armies?? Ah yes they are the ones trained by the aliens that landed in Roswell. Slavery and abuse??I am confused. Is it NATO that doesnt allow females to attend school, or go out in public. Is it NATO that beheads people in public for listening to the radio.And here I am all along thinking it was the Taliban and people like that. Boy was I wrong..

[shaneyt]

Yes lets all protect the country with picket signs and protest. That would have worked great in the second world war. Perhaps instead of sending soldiers to europe to try and protect the free world, we should have got a few hundred thousand protesters to go and protest Hitler in Berlin.. I am sure that would have worked great..Maybe we could have asked him to stop invading countries because its not nice or because it might hurt their economy. ...I guess I was wrong.