Codependent's Inner Voice: "I Can't Live Without Him/Her"

Everything you Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq1.html

Extreme cases of codependence (known as Dependent or Borderline Personality Disorders) require professional help. Luckily, most people with dependent traits and behaviors are clustered somewhere in the middle of the spectrum of dependence.

1. Help yourself by realizing that the world never comes to an end when relationships do: it is your dependence which reacts with desperation, not you.

2. Next, analyze your addiction: what are the stories and narratives that underlie it? Do you tend to idealize your intimate partner? If so, can you see him or her in a more realistic light? Are you anxious about being abandoned? Why? Have you been traumatically abandoned in the past, as a child, perhaps?

3. Write down the worst possible scenario: the relationship is over and s/he leaves you. Is your physical survival at stake? Of course not.

4. Make a list of the consequences of the breakup and write next to each one what you can and intend to do about it. Armed with this plan of action, you are bound to feel safer and more confident.

5. Finally, make sure to share your thoughts, fears, and emotions with friends and family. Social support is indispensable. One good friend is worth a hundred therapy sessions.

(First published here: http://www.sowhatireallymeant.com/2011/08/29/guest-author-sam-vaknin-phdi-can... )

(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 3 DVDs with 16 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html)

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• codependent
• dependent
• personality disorder
• abandonment
• clinging
• addiction
• habit
• relationship
• intimate partner
• spouse
• mate
• breakup
• divorce
• children
• parents
• manipulation
• thrills
• adrenaline
• excitement
• drama queen

[blondestprincess]

Amazing advice. I am a Codependant and my Partner is a Narcissist. I have been a avid fan of Dr Vaknin for quite some time now and listen to each of his videos many times, I find the tips in these videos extremely helpful. I still do not feel the strength to leave, but I am more aware of why our relationship is what it is. Thank you again Dr Vaknin!

[moviemakerwannabe]

What occurred to me was that many people call that love. It is not really love. A person who knows that can get free. A person who does not will continue on trying to make it work. If only one of the 2 people are trying to make it work that doesn't end well.

[JenniferPHendrix]

I'm addicted to my addiction... a new concept for me. Yes, some people are like drugs for me.. and sometimes i feel the need to escape..

[Kathydrel]

Yes I have transferred my addiction , I can no longer depend on people to fill my co dependent needs and so now I worship God , I finally found unconditional love ,acceptance and approval ! Tons and tons of it : ) now I don't feel the need to get IT from someone who hangs it over me like a drug, or from someone who resents how much love I need.

[DrZuli]

As far as I can see, its only a matter of financial support that binds so many.

[puluc8]

Don't narcissists depend on others, to do their bidding?