The reality behind it all:
'When the lights are all off, and youre all off busy sleeping, Im exercising. If I dont, theres this Thing in my head that I have to answer to.
In this nest of lies
Living a life under siege
We sink in the stink
& I need my disease
It's all in your head
They said I need to flee
This neverending ordinary monarchy Head by Otep
Before I go to bed or while Im sitting in lectures, all I can think of is cutting off the fat, slice by slice by slice, until Im where I want to be, until I feel like Im worthy of anything. And everyone thinks youve just given in, of course youve just given in and taken the easy route out.
But no, I try to fight it. I fight it. I cry and I scream and I walk around mumbling to myself these things that dont make sense. All I get is this Voice inside of me, saying, If youre werent so worthless so as not to know what life is like without your eating disorders, you wouldnt be asking yourself these questions, but no you need me here. You need me in your life.
So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head
I try to live without you, every time I do I feel dead
I know what's best for me
But I want you instead
I'll keep on wasting all my time
Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over, over and over
I try not to
Over and over, over and over
You make me fall for you
Over and over, over and over
You don't even try to Over and Over, Three Days Grace
In my head, this is what it sounds like:
Yes, youre right, you should want to do that! When they ask if youre okay, smile to them sweetly, just smile. You are.Because you are, you are okay. And if youre not now you will be. You will be okay, you will be thinner, you will be better, you will be worthy. Lie to them! Fool them, fool everyone who cares for you. Ignore your mother, ignore your sister, ignore your father, ignore your fiancé, ignore everyone.
Could you look me in the face?
Three cheers, you fooled them all!
Hip hip hooray hip hip hooray! Hospital by The Used
And everyone who passes by, they think Im okay, because Im obviously not skeletal, because Im obviously not malnourished, but now its undeniable to me: its not my life. Im not Michelle anymore. I am just eating disorder, personified. Im sorry I brought you all here again. Im sorry I dont know how to fight it for good and not just a few months this time. Im sorry that my thoughts wont change, but theres only one thing going through my head anymore...
Laughing like it works
Bleeding like it dont hurt
Knock you off your feet
Even if you need me
Tear you apart, hey now I need you...
Feeling too easy, make me skin and bones
Im always on my knees for you
Break like its even
When youre leaving it
Too fucking easy
Make me skin and bones
Im always on my knees for you
Break like its even
When youre leaving
Thin where have you been?' Skin and Bones by Marianas Trench
I do not own any of the music presented here, nor have I ever claimed to. All rights belong to the artists and their record labels.
This is obviously NOT a pro-ana shindig, so if you're here for that... leave. You don't want this.
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Flawed Perfectionby GothicGoddess2010138 views
Wow! Did you write this? I've written about my eating disorder -the link is on my page- but this is really good! Keep writing and posting!!!
aileb 1 year ago
Yeah I did. Thanks! I'll check it out asap =)
chelliroo 1 year ago