Advanced driving skills

Advanced driving skills

Bad driving caught on camera 3 was the working title here, but as the first one wasn't taken seriously, I thought I'd approach this in a very different way indeed. Most of these clips I've already uploaded elsewhere.




So, you've passed your driving test, you can now hone your skills, forget all of that Highway Code bollocks and stupid rules and drive properly.

We're supposed to stop at junctions to check for traffic -- screw that -- that's pointless!

When you're a really good driver, you'll know that blocking the roundabout is not only completely harmless, but hilarious too!

Indicators; they let other road users known that you are going to off somewhere, but how long should you indicate for -- 2 seconds -- nah, just leave them on -- you're bound to turn off at some point, why waste energy thinking about it.

Some would suggest not blocking junctions, as it stops other motorists from getting out of side roads, but what the hell do they know -- blocking junctions is part of your civil liberties -- everyone would be much happier if we didn't have any pointless rules like this. The same applies for parking, why bother to find a space when you can dump your van wherever you feel like, so what if you are wasting everyone's time by causing a traffic jam -- bollocks -- nobody is anymore important than you are.

If you're a superb driver, the van is the vehicle of choice, let's face it; if you've got a van you can legally drive pissed out of your head, weave all over the road and run red lights. You're also encouraged to talk on your mobile phone and cut corners forcing others to jam their brakes. You can get away with what you like as a van driver, because the police know better that to bother stopping you.

Parking with consideration is for nerds and dicks; double-parking is the way ahead, and if you can use more than one space -- well done you!
Blind corners are brilliant places to park; it can cause an accident, accidents rock!
Bus stops are great places to park, they're just so convenient, the bus can always park in the road and block the traffic -- who cares -- certainly not the bus driver -- they love bad parking.

Buses are brilliant, they're always breaking down, because the driver doesn't waste his time checking the oil before setting off, and the companies know that servicing the things is boring and cost money.
This driver's got a sense of humour, there's only one thing easier to see than stopped bus with its hazard lights on; and that's a fat man in a high-visibility jacket. Good on you fella!

You can drive at whatever speed you like, so if you want to do 15mph everywhere, causing congestion, road-rage and accidents -- you go for it -- no one will be late, get angry or do anything stupid to get past.

Same goes for you boyracers, it's actually very clever to tear up the streets making a ridiculous racket. Yeah!!!

If you can't afford a car, get a moped, and overtake everything you can, if you don't need to, even if your manoeuvre is pointless because you're about to turn off, and therefore block the traffic you've just overtaken.

Before you can drive though, you'll have to be a pedestrian, but make sure you're a pillock with your road sense; you don't want to be on the pavement -- that's for pussies!!

-----

All shots were taken by me in Farnham, Farnborough and Ash.

Category:

Autos & Vehicles

Tags:

• gardenspoon
• g4rdenspoon
• humour
• silly
• funny
• video
• bad
• driving
• caught
• on
• camera
• spoof
• advanced
• skills
• comedy

[gazmetal]

That's cool. I've seen some near misses and a minor shunt recently. I should attach a camera to my bike and steal your idea. Also I always enjoy the music at the end of your vids.

[g4rdenspoon]

@gazmetal Yes, steal it!!

[ChristParkero]

How long did it take to film all this? Unless this is all from one journey, in which case, wow...

[g4rdenspoon]

@ChristParkero It took a few months of having the camera in the car. It wasn't difficult, I just saved anything I saw that was worth having a pop at. :)

[michi12388]

So funny! Great stuff.

[g4rdenspoon]

@michi12388 Thanks :)



[montymagic1987]

fat man doing his good deed for the day. thanks m8 you put a big smile on my face, but you might you think that is bad driving, come to ireland and youl c some insane stunts, : P

[ZeeDeevel25]

you filmed this is farnham?

[TheSnugPub]

@1.06 white van parked on single yellow line. So more than likely it was within legal parking hours. But good video

[arushandapushand]

funny

[AdamC3046]

Woo!!! Recognised most of those scenes! Fleet, Farnborough, Farnham, Ash etc. I'm from Fleet.

[hmacw]

This makes me want to set up a camera in my car.

Just today a woman went to merge into my lane, and obviously didn't check her blind spots. I was almost directly beside her and had to slam on the brakes/swerve into the bike lane to avoid being hit.

Then went to park at the library and it was entirely full. With one tiny Swift taking up just enough of a second spot that noone could park there. About six hours later, when I left, it was still there. Real considerate.

The joys of driving.

[WillThePlank]

Brilliant!

[g4rdenspoon]

@JustinJamesUK Thank you. :)