About my father.

bumeyes1000's QuickCapture Video - Sun 10 May 2009 00:14:35 PDT

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• elmer
• dad
• father
• family
• genealogy

[RoobyJuice]

It's a difficult old dilemma this one. To make contact or not to make contact.

My own father left my mother when I was 8 months old and really had nothing at all to do with me until a couple of years ago.

I had no resentment about the lack of contact, greetings cards.. or.. anything.

Now he's back in my life though, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I forget to contact him because I'm so used to not having him around and then I feel bad.

[bumeyes1000]

Wow.. Roobs that's fascinating. So interesting for me to hear of your very similar story, and to hear that you've only recently got contact. Can I ask, what prompted it? Did he seek contact, or was it your own perseverance?

Thanks so much for your comment. x

[Quag7]

I think time has a way of making past decisions (or possibly mistakes) seem ossified, intractable, unfixable.  Age brings wisdom and regret; I have a hard time imagining he doesn't think about you. But I don't know.

I am in a situation now where I am legal guardian of my niece. Her father's been gone since she was born. She's 12 now. I wonder how often (or if) she wonders about him. I'm not sure how to bring the subject up, to be honest.

You should leave this video up, if you have doubts.

[bumeyes1000]

Unfixable, yeah.

Interesting, thanks a lot for your reply.

If she doesn't mention him or ask questions yet, it's definitely best to leave it. But if/when she does, tell her all you can, because it seems that it's important to people, even if they don't like the guy, to know all they can about him.

[Flapjackbatter]

Not an uncommon situation. And hearing the other side of the story is useful. Even if the pairent who was there all the time tells the truth it`s always going to be "a" truth.

Even better sound now. Even before you took the mic in your hand.

[bumeyes1000]

Exactly.  If I were him I would WANT to put my side of things across, but then i don't know what he thinks at all really.

Thanks for your comment.

[bumeyes1000]

Hi! Apologies for delay in responding. Thanks a lot for your comment.

I will also accept your offer of half a dad, thanks. :)

I use the Ancestry website (which costs a fortune but it's wonderful) and you can never underestimate the power of a simple Google search if you know what you're looking for. x

[Sacredleader]

I'd like to see that video you weren't going to post. ;) On a more serious note though, why certain people do what they do is often a mystery to themselves as well. How do you win in that situation? And of course, the answer is none of us do. It's sad.

[FactVsReligion]

wow. That was probably the most honest video I've ever seen on youtube. I find it incredulous that someone would not want to know there own daughter. I don't understand that screwed up mentality that your dad seems to have. You can have half of my dad if you you like. :)

What kind of resources do you use for tracking? genealogy.

[RoobyJuice]

I don't believe you should beat yourself about making contact. Yeah maybe it wasn't the right way to go about it but if she was your only way of doing so I'm not in the least bit surprised that temptation go the better of you.

I would have done the same in your situation.

x

[RoobyJuice]

He had said he was coming to see us at Easter to bring eggs for the kids. Of course the kids are in love with him and totally attached, anyway he didn't turn up and I've not heard from him. I don't want my kids to feel abandoned by him like I once did.