Uploaded on Jan 11, 2008
What if bipolarity is a gift. An extra function.
An ability to confront life with extra intensity and openmindedness in order to try to improve ones outlook and inlook to help oneself and consequently probably others (and maybe even - since I'm feeling quite manic right now - in the long run, all humanity*)
What if when even a mania or psychosis doesn't seem to take you forward, maybe even makes you more confused, shifts into depression and total sense of meaninglessness, only in order for you to be able to start anew.
Maybe your next manic effort will take you a bit further than the last. Like trying to continue laying a very difficult puzzle (the foundation for your sense of judgment(?)) that needs all your skills in order to get clearer.
If even your psychotic abilities cannot help you grasp how to proceed - every new far-out way of looking at this puzzle fails - maybe the best way to continue is to leave it, get a rest, empty yourself of all granted, preconceived sense of outlook. Like in a depression.
Then try again, starting with the very simplest pieces of the puzzle, like food and sleep. Even having the feeling that this is enough and forget about the other pieces.
Is this maybe the best ground for trying again? Nothing to lose and slowly regaining your interest. Working the puzzle from other angles, maybe remembering some of the things that felt right and important the last time, trying to fit them in but maybe in a new way, in a new place.
Getting excited, overexcited, manic, psychotic. Not wanting to give up the most interesting and important task you have ever had.
Until you're too exhausted and have to leave it again. Hopefully not giving it all up forever, but to regain the strength to try again. With the knowledge that you can go back to the basic comforts whenever you fail.
The awesome happiness of finding an important piece and a foolproof place for it - knowing that this will almost automatically lead to many other minor revelations.
The awesome happiness.
*It's maybe this sense of the huge importance for mankind attached to my laying this puzzle that helps me not give it up."
She's wearing the mask of the First Emperor, which she found at the British Museum, and was thankful for the relative power it gave her to overcome the initial fears of formulating.
The background music is Bob Dylan's Gates of Eden performed by Bryan Ferry, from his album Dylanesque.
And I try to harmonize with songs
The lonesome sparrow sings
WE are ALL kings inside the Gates of Eden