Response to "Bad Questions to Ask a Transsexual"

http://www.calpernia.com
http://www.genderlife.com
This is a response to:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOjeZnjKlp0
Wow, thousands of viewers a day, and so much support! Also, a small percentage of people with some concerns over my "Bad Questions" video. So here's a little response!

The "Bad Questions" video is a humorous portrayal of a heightened version of me... an exaggerated expression of the fatigue and hurt I feel when asked these questions in real life. I am performing in this video as a comedian, and in comedy we often express truths through exaggeration. Being an activist and an artist leaves me walking a fine line between selflessness and creative expression, and sometimes I lean more one way than the other. In real life, I have always treated questioners with kindness, even when they hurt my feelings to the very core, like kittens who dig their needle claws into you without knowing what they're doing. You only wince and try to dislodge them with minimum damage, you never hurt them back.

But there is a nugget of truth in what I say in this video. Regardless of how curious and genuine the questioner may be, regardless of how much they feel like they need to understand my situation, that still doesn't make these questions less hurtful when asked. That is an essential, very important point that I should type twice, it's so important. Regardless of how good the intentions of the questioner, these questions still hurt many trans people who are asked them.

I've had many people respond to this video by saying things like, "I just want to know! Isn't that a good thing?" and "Aren't questions a good thing?" Well, yes, it's a good thing that people want to understand, and yes, having questions is a good thing. But (1) Most of these questions can be answered on the internet and (2) this video lays out questions asked in a specific hurtful way; it doesn't say any and all questions are "bad". If one listens to the video, they will see right away exactly *why* I feel like the questions mentioned are "bad". I explain why in great detail for almost each one.

It boils down to appropriateness in most cases. These are deeply personal questions, and I am often asked them by complete strangers who are obviously suppressing a shudder of thrilled revulsion even as they ask. I believe that most everyone could make a list like this... Police officers, wheelchair users, scuba divers, people with Mohawks. Most everyone gets asked "dumb" questions about something or other on a fairly regular basis, but as trans people our proportion of this goes through the stratosphere.

As I say, it's a comedic exaggeration of my feelings, but if you listen to what I'm saying, it really does explain why I might feel the way I do for each one. In real life, as you can see in my response video, I am the soul of kindness and understanding. But I wanted to lay a little honest anger out there, too. I feel like, after a decade of these questions, I deserve that bit of release.

Calpernia

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• calpernia
• bad
• questions
• transsexual
• transgender
• ts
• tg

[YTubeArraignment]

The destruction of the genitals for “sex-change” is a screaming double standard. For no one suffering any other mental malady would a physician accommodate by surgically removing an appendage. He's forbidden to destroy healthy eyes, legs, toes, etc. regardless of the patient's wishes. The desire to have one's genitals ablated is insane. Of course, surgeons routinely violate their oath with breast augmentations {unrelated to disease} and senseless cosmetic procedures.

[CalperniaAddams]

@YTubeArraignment So you can diagnose mental illness over the internet? You'll make a fortune! No genitals are destroyed, mine are gorgeous and pleasurable. Meanwhile your people continue to alter healthy teeth with braces, eyes with glasses, noses/breasts/stomachs/everyth­ing with (similar) surgical reshaping. You're a sad hypocrite and probably a closeted something-or-other if you're trolling my vids. =)

[GeniusSparrow]

After I saw Soldier's Girl for the first time tonight I was fascinated by your story and read loads of articles on the internet about you. Your website is great and filled in some gaps in my own objective understanding of transexuality.

Then I watched your original Bad Questions video. It made me cringe and left an extremely bad aftertaste. Continually calling people who are bothering to watch you "dumbass" and similar juvenile names detracted from perfectly valid points you were making.

[CalperniaAddams]

@GeniusSparrow So as long as I meekly allow people to humiliate and debase me, I can earn the prize of your pity? What a DREAM!

[KingAaron19]

@CalperniaAddams

I'm so sorry. I asked questions that I could've looked up but after that movie I just panicked. I don't want you to hate me. I kinda wish we could be friends.

[CalperniaAddams]

@KingAaron19 Don't worry, Aaron. I am a bitch in this video because it's funny and it's the only language some people will understand, but in real life I'm pretty relaxed and most always open to people whose intentions are friendly.

[CalperniaAddams]

@bettythorny LOL oh Betty, didn't daddy touch you enough? Must you really troll YouTube for attention?

[2SCORPS]

You are fabulous honey. I think your video was hilarious and so full of truth. Much love and respect for you!

[paganpixieprincess]

You are a beautiful woman and good for you. xoxoxo

[ItsAMansWorldFTM1]

YOU ROCK!

[lilyofhearts]

@CalperniaAddams I am so sorry I can't find the right button to just reply, but I am watching this, and wanting to scream My God I love her. So graceful and open-hearted and utterly adorable. Rock on, Hon! You are the genuine article. xoxo <3

[ptrck99]

I just the video, a fb friend of mine posted it, and I really don`t see why would anyone feel offended. Greetings from Montevideo, Uruguay, South America.

[sayastra]

@YTubeArraignment I think that many trans view this surgery as corrective....

[sayastra]

@benbaker108 there's a difference between asking something about being trans and asking someone about there experience being trans. I think she covered it with saying that she didn't feel happy in her previous life.... (carefully choosing my words) there's instances in my life I don't like to talk about, because I worry how they will come off, and because they still don't feel comfortable. As well, when people ask anyone who they get laid or their "junk"- it IS NOT RESPECTFUL!!!

[benbaker108]

She is not a role model. She has much hate, anger and despise for people unless they are trans. No difference in her and Al Sharpton, etc... If you are not like me, you are stupid, dumbasses and dont deserve to understand me. Such arrogance is rewarded with ignorance. She did everything to get into the public eye, got paid and now just wants everyone to leave her alone. Sorry, doesnt happen like that. Be careful what you wish for, it might just come true.

[MichaelDoucett206]

Im glad you put this up-Im a gay man and try to educate gays and straights about the difference between sexuallity and gender-So happy for your strenght confidence and candor-You are very pretty and a sweet soul- Lovely relaxed woman with class- Born in the wrong body and lucky enough to have the resource and abillty to become the person you were meant to be-You are a great role model for woman to aspire--Congrats-But even ghandi lennon MLK had to educate the ignorant sometimes-Thank you!

[Mcommander23]

@YTubeArraignment Sexual reassignment surgery is the only option for some people to lead happy and productive lives. With regards to cosmetic surgery, we live in a very superficial culture. If people are uncomfortable with part of their body, and it would make them feel better to change it, I would embrace that change if the person made a reasonable attempt at a less drastic measure first, or was substantially certain that it is what they want.