Gender Trauma

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Category:

Education

Tags:

• Gender
• Trauma

[TheBoggoon]

Thank you for sharing, and for introducing the phrase 'gender trauma,' which is exactly what it is. My school (a single-sex dump in Catholic, rural Ireland) adopted that kind of gender-policing as a matter of active policy, and I was on the receiving end of it for reasons that I still don't really understand today. All I know is that the very sight of that school makes me panicky and light-headed.

[reesekelly]

@TheBoggoon what sort of policing did they enact if you don't mind sharing?

[hcomtois]

Thank you! I have been through many similar situations, but I've never thought of them as "traumas" before. They certainly are. I have social anxiety that is certainly linked to the number of times I've been called out as too masculine (which I understood to mean that I wasn't attractive, despite men wanting, to my dismay, to sleep with me). I learned to use my body to protect myself (though it really didn't protect me emotionally). One fear of transitioning is that I will lose that ability.

[reesekelly]

@hcomtois I had some fears about that as well...that I'd lose that sort of female masculinity that kept me safe. I remember telling on of my partners early on in transition that she couldn't stick up for me because if she started yelling at some guy he'd turn around and punch me...the codes are different and it takes a while to get used to.

[sneetchinflux]

that's horrifically traumatic. he recognized his error and still made you leave? oh, wow. this reminds me of the humiliation caused by similar gender policing that a guy named matt spoke about - he's mmdmatt84, and the video is "Complications -- embarrassing times at the hot springs."

[reesekelly]

@sneetchinflux Thanks for your comment and for the video suggestion. I'll have to check that out :)

[TheSnowyice]

Over a year ago when I was still trying really hard to be a girl and repress my trans identity, I wore dresses and hair bows all the time. That was just a small phase caused by guilt and outside pressures from my family. My mom loved it but one day my brother told me that I looked like "a guy in a dress." Those were his exact words. He thought I looked like a mtf who didn't pass well, or a transvestite. Isn't that weird? Maybe we give off a certain aura that people pick up on. I look like a boy.

[ifonlyuknewme]

i am pre t and i have gotten kicked out of both bathrooms before and even got asked why i was buying bra's before i even came out trans by total strangers in the store i pass most of the time until i open my mouth because i still have a girls voice and stuff society is a bitch my friend fuck the haters i know tell people who say i am not a real boy that they are mistaken because i am not Pinocchio it lights the mood and makes me laugh through it

[Justcallmejacks]

Thank you for introducing the term gender trauma! It fits very well with something that happened to me in high school, which was being kicked out of the girls locker room because I didn't look like a girl. I love your views on gender and I think you are revolutionary! Keep doing what your doing because its amazing.

[TheVeganicWitch]

...I see it as a continuum of sexual violence. It makes me feel I am being shown, in a way I cannot respond effectively to, that I am weak, and a worthless object.

[TheVeganicWitch]

Hi. Wow, I felt horribly anxious listening to that, I can't imagine how awful that must have been :( I want to give you a big hug! Everyone experiences policing. The worst I have experienced I think, the most humiliating and frightening, is when men use sexual harassment as a way to (this is how I perceive it anyway) put you in your place if you are too forthright or confident. Some people seem to be able to deal with this behaviour and brush it off but for me...

[TheBoggoon]

@reesekelly Apologies, I thought my reply had posted. Perhaps 'policing' is a strong word, but teachers used to refer to me as a girl in class (because I had long hair and didn't have an interest in hurling), in order to demonstrate to the other kids how little boys were not supposed to behave. Even though I'm cis, I was made to feel like an 'intruder' in an all-male space, and it led to bullying outside of class.

[TheBoggoon]

@reesekelly @reesekelly Sorry, still new to youtube, so I didn't see that you had asked me something until just now. The teachers referred to me as a girl in class, and would use me as an example of how little boys should not behave, which in turn made the bullying from other kids worse; my parents found out at a parent-teacher meeting that the faculty were doing this deliberately because they were 'worried' about me. It still confuses me to this day, because I'm actually cis!

[TheBoggoon]

@reesekelly Sorry, still new to youtube, so I didn't see that you had asked me something until just now. The teachers referred to me as a girl in class, and would use me as an example of how little boys should not behave, which in turn made the bullying from other kids worse; my parents found out at a parent-teacher meeting that the faculty were doing this deliberately because they were 'worried' about me. It still confuses me to this day, because I'm actually cis!