With the Super Bowl approaching, we thought the time was right to rep Pittsburgh in song. We reached out to Matt Stidle (credited here as Ken Thrice) for a verse, and got Ted Gilliland (aka Big Ted) to rap on the hook while he was visiting from Carnegie. The song samples The Pittsburgh Polka, The Mr. Rogers theme song and WTAE's "Hello Pittsburgh" promo from 1981. The hook comes from a song recorded in 1985 when Pittsburgh, in the wake of the Pittsburgh Renaissance, was voted the no. 1 city in the world by an unidentified authority. Enjoy, and Go Steelers!
LYRICS:
MARK BISI:
In Pittsburgh, yet again deemed the city of champs
the sidewalks are all lit with Tiffany lamps
the populace fits into two separate camps
all the Steeler Ladies and all the Steeler Tramps
So many accolades its hard to take
named most livable city and best chocolate cake
all the McDonalds serve prime rib steak
and Warhol's ghost haunts Geauga Lake
The Steelers don't come to win, but disembowel
and they wipe up the blood with a Terrible Towel
human rights groups find these acts to be foul
but the Rooneys have made no public disavowal
When reached for comment Michael Keaton condoned
the atrocities for which the Black and Gold won't atone
'cause the Pittsburgh diaspora still longs to roam
the 50-square-mile stretch called the Fedko Zone
TED GILLILAND:
(Pittsburgh's No. 1) Number 1, undisputed City of Champions
(in 1985) '85 to 20-1-1 still Gettin' R Dun
(Pittsburgh's No. 1) From Patrice King Brown to Peggy Finnegan
(Number 1!) Best damn city up under the sun
ANDY BECKERMAN:
Here are reasons Pittsburgh leaves even corpses impressed
First, Heinz Ketchup stops more rounds than a bulletproof vest
Cyril Wecht wrecks common sense like Captain John Harkness
Every Monopoly card in Pittsburgh is Community Chest
We've stopped more invasions than Grand Central has Lockers
Goldblum's got more Oscars than Sarah Jessica has Parkers
The Steelers leave No Exit just like Jean-Paul Sartre
And a forcefield guards the skies from time-displaced medieval archers
Forget Philly, it is always darker there
Jokes here are 20 times more jocular
Who wants to have sex with a pharaoh?
Egypt's Meet the Fockers, Pittsburgh's Passolini's Salo
We've killed more dictators than Pol Pot's got skulls
And make all films filmed elsewhere look like Uve Boll's
And we're richer with history than a million Bob Doles
We're the word of god, fuck the Dead Sea Scrolls
MARK BISI:
(Pittsburgh's No. 1) The Steel City's all-encompassing greatness is unquestioned
(in 1985) Buy Sam a drink and get his dog one
(Pittsburgh's No. 1) Pack up the family sedan and have a visit
(Number 1!) We've got so many dead saints' skulls it is exquisite
MATT STIDLE:
Myron's not dead, just chillin', straight Cope-iavelli
In this crescent so fertile like a kokapelli.
Smoke endless blunts with the co. and Capelli,
Can't find me? I'm Mon surfing, so hit my celly.
It's amazing how everyone's a millionaire,
Fuck streets lined with gold -- shit's not even rare.
Steel City sidewalks are lined with astatine squares,
Which is radioactive so no one in the city's got real hair.
It's cool though, 'cause instead we all wear gold wigs,
And shower caps so that we don't tear our gold wigs,
Go in a steel mill and you'll see there some gold wigs,
So much soot up in this air they black and gold wigs.
3,500 ft statue of Mr. Rogers,
Home of the 1955 Brooklyn Dodgers.
Joe DiNardo creates the weather, fuck a Doppler.
Compose Old Avestan gathas like Zoroaster.
TED GILLILAND:
(Pittsburgh's No. 1) Number 1, undisputed City of Champions
(in 1985) '85 to 20-1-1 still Gettin' R Dun
(Pittsburgh's No. 1) From Patrice King Brown to Peggy Finnegan
(Number 1!) Best damn city up under the sun
MARK BISI
Primanti Brothers sandwiches can cure disease
pierogies blow brains from the churches to BBT's
Pamela's brings world leaders to their knees
and Beto's serves pizza with uncooked cheese
And everyone in Pittsburgh has the power of flight
the Monongahela river is primarily Sprite
the Council of Elders have the second sight
and they commune with Azathoth on Light-Up Night
So many Super Bowl trophies and Stanley Cups
the whole of Allegheny county is holding 'em up
you'd think this constant victory would start to corrupt
but humility's the active ingredient in ketchup
Rick Sebak ghostwrote every novel in the world
Dan Marino threw every football ever hurled
from Allentown to Zelionople, he's kissed every girl
and God speaks directly through Donald Wuerl
ANDY BECKERMAN
(Pittsburgh's No. 1) We have more sports stars than the Heat has Lebron
(in 1985) More might from the steel mills than the heat from the sun
(Pittsburgh's No. 1) Drums are louder, sex more pleasurable
(Number 1!) They say three rivers but the number is immeasurable
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Steelers Super Bowl Rap 2011by SteadyTeddy1232,138 views
Seems like the place for actual sports debate.
johndoe2006xxx 1 year ago
how the taste of the humble pie steeler's,if the steelers focus on winning,they might have win..but they have done some shit in dallas last wk..heard hines ward n other steeler players visit a strip club..big ben spend alot of money on something..who knows its probly a stripper too..they thought green bay was easy,steelers thought green bay gonna run the same west coast offense the whole game..they didnt,the packs mix it up wit spread formation,packs probly study patriots films against steelers.
fmoa 1 year ago