http://www.tamiclose.com What do you do when you are triggered by what someone does or says?
Wow! Look at all those "f" words :). These words are so powerful because we usually fit into one, two or all three of these categories when we're experiencing a situation that causes us alarm. Thus, we sound the alarms, and we proceed with fighting, fleeing or freezing.
Well, what does this mean exactly?
I had the unique privilege to attend a service at The Center for Spiritual Living in Seattle a few years ago. The minister's message was illustrating what we do when we are experiencing a thought process that is unlike God, our Source Energy, and we tend to function from fear...another "f" word :).
When you are in a discussion with someone, and you are "triggered" by what they say or what they're doing, you tend to 1) fight, which means you physically or verbally throw punches 2) flee, which means you get the heck out of there 3) freeze, which means you numb yourself with food, TV, Internet, alcohol, sex, etc. All of these areas we use because we are afraid.
I'll give you an example. When I was married to my exhusband, he used to say, "You seem like you always check out when we are having a discussion" (okay, sometimes a heated argument). I didn't understand exactly what he meant, but I do now. I was good at "fleeing," and I could either leave in my mind or physically leave the scene of the crime :). I became such a master that I didn't even know I was doing it. That's how good I was.
Then I noticed I carried this "fleeing" into my relationships while dating after my divorce. One time I was with Michael, a former boyfriend, and he and I were having a conversation. He was done listening to me, and proceeded to go out and do yard work. I, however, was not done with the discussion. True to my "I'm outta here" personna, when Michael went outside, I packed up my things and got ready to flee. I was able to stop myself, and ask a question, "Is this what you want?" And I said, "No."
I went outside and called Michael in the house, and told him that I wasn't done with the conversation, and would like to continue the discussion. He agreed, and I got to say what I needed to say. Not to have him do anything different, but to have me be different. I controlled my fleeing because I stayed, and stood up for what I wanted to say, and this meant the world to me.
It's almost like I need to tether a rope to myself so that I don't flee....
In my current relationship with Carlos, I tried to flee again. We had come from the movie theater and I was doing all I could to stop from fleeing. Here was the situation, and maybe you can appreciate it. When I watch a movie, I am one with the movie. I'm right there in it, and don't want to have conversation when I'm watching something. Carlos, on the other hand, is different. He likes to chat about what is happening. Thus, as you can surmise, Carlos was chatting the entire time of the movie, and I got upset.
Carlos didn't know this because I didn't tell him. Remember, when I have a situation that causes me alarm, then I want to flee without explaining. With this said, while we were driving home, I got very quiet, and he asked me what was wrong. I, of course, said, "Nothing." Staying true to my "I'm outta here" personna was really a habit I wanted to break. It wasn't serving me to have the title of "Ultimate Fleer."
So rather than jump out of a moving vehicle, I decided to tell Carlos that I didn't like it when he talked during the movie, and it was important to me to have total silence. It cracked me up to say this and we started to laugh. He knew that something was wrong, but didn't know what it was. It seems like such a trivial thing, but when we have taken on one of those roles, we tend to abide by the rules we have given ourselves.
Okay, so you see the picture I'm painting, and if you see yourself in any of these categories, "Stop, look and listen!" It's not loving the self that these "f" words show their face, and it's a pretty simple fix. We just need a brain makeover :).
Sometimes patterns of behavior are so ingrained in our lovely brains that removing the pattern can be a process. Yet, it is so worth it to honor ourselves.
Today, honor you, and be the person you intend as connected to Source Energy, who is loving, joyful, blissful and a happy camper! And loving yourself through communications with others.
I'm happy to say that I no longer flee. I have nipped the little runner in me, and it feels great! If you would like some help with any of your "f" words, just contact me, and we can create a new "f" word through the process.....funorama!
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@nnmacameraman92, thank you for your comments on what happens. It's interesting when we face something that apparently causes us irritation, and then we react. When we can be with this moment, we can allow the irritation to simply be, but there is no one to claim it for its own.
tamiclose 3 weeks ago
Pretty cool video.
I freeze though, I want to fight verbally and physically, but my body freezes and stops me from doing anything. I don't leave though, I stand up for myself and squeeze words out. But my heart goes into overdrive.
This happens in either near-physical confrontations or verbal ones. Or sometimes if someone replies to a comment I made on youtube, telling me I'm an idiot.
nnmacameraman92 3 weeks ago