Crack City (part 11)

story by Norm and Paul
music by Dave

And now that I could easily plug in the head/brain of Wacko Jacko I wondered what my next move should be As soon as I plugged him in.... he would start talking to me in his shy little innocent girl voice giving me weird advice about humanity and the loving of peter pan neverland children.
I had no idea what he was talking about half the time cause I was shooting so much dope it could have been a down syndrome Siamese twin babbling to me at that point and it all would have sounded the same
Something about this dude Hank gave me the heebie jeebies big time. I wasnt sure if he was manipulating me or if I was manipulating him.
Only time would tell.
One thing I did enjoy tho was capturing Hanks elves and turning them into my own sex slaves. Most of them were hermaphrodites so one could pick several different ways to have sex with them.
Something about that Myron fellow really made me laugh, every time I heard his creepy voice or saw him wobbling around hanks place I went into this non stop hysterical laughter I think it was starting to piss hank off.
Lets get back to business I demanded. Telling Hank more about king Plopo and how we must find out if chuck was still out there somewhere. The nitrous tank was always filled with the best nitrous oxide known to man. Good dental shit with no sulfur. And half the time when I was over at hanks the entire situation become some sort of dream like weird trip. Thank goodness I had my crew of cracked out retarded security with me. Cause I really didnt trust anyone except my own crew. If I got too wasted they would carry me out and make sure I was not harmed.... we all needed information off each other in order to survive and I had become an expert at getting all the information I needed. Thats why I was still alive and ran an entire crew now.
That Myron fuker had conned one of my crew members into following him off into hanks dungeon of sickness one time. I had heard Myrons true colors came out when he had my young crew member alone.... He quickly broke his neck in half and ate his entire body in a savage bloodthirsty sexual killing. Only keeping my crew members dick, which he handed to my top man as we drove away.... a huge sick grin on his face.... waving his creeped out little fat hand. as we drove away realizing we were one man short....
As we drove back to my camp.... I shot up some black tar just to calm my nerves and to help me figure out what my next step was thats when one of my many cell phones rang. The one I had for emergency situations only
"Placko loops digore my gaften ex ray hey may boola boola boola?
I answered, just to make sure there had not been some sort of security breech."
A voice I recognized answered me back:
"Bluga bloop blops meegaut re grot, heeema heeema ho ho smelly jelly!"
"Password granted!" I yelled.
"Master, oh master.... it's me Nancy.... I have news for you.... you will be so pleased master."
"Go on then you retarded little maggot of delusion, what is the news? What've you got?"

Hank had given me permission to take several elves with me when I transported back from the Pole for my crew to experiment on. Nancy had been injecting Alien Crack and gasoline into Puffenstuff's jugular veins as a truth serum while the fuck was hung upside down by his hermaphrodydic batch. This had been going on for about 48 hours when Nancy called."Myron still wouldn't spill anything, but that weakling little fuck with the huge ass ears is blubbering out something about the Greys are onto Hank's—plan--And about 55 percent of the midget freak pukes are in league with them."
I wasn't that surprised. The elves looked like an extensively decrepit and downtrodden race of miserable bastards.
"Then Myron starts screaming that goddamn 'RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!!!!!' shit and his fuckin head exploded all over our goddamn Hilton suite! Brains and blood and skull bits and little balloonlike pieces of scalp with long grey hairs flittering all over the motherfuckin place!" Michael's head in the backseat lit up and began screaming "Futile! Earth will FALL!!!!!" and Nancy hears and starts screaming into the phone and I have to stop the car and kick the fucking crystalplastic sphere down the street till the woozy fucker shut up. Nancy is still blubbering incomprehensible bullshit and screaming down the line.
"Okay, okay-Calm the fuck down. I'm on my way!" I told my crew what had happened. They seemed not to give a shit--They just wanted to get back to their stashes of crack and cheap jug wine. I tossed Jackson in the trunk, got back behind the wheel and stepped on it....

Category:

Comedy

Tags:

• kid
• rock