Influence without indoctrination (Parenting Beyond Belief #4)

The fourth in a series on nonreligious parenting. Hosted by Dale McGowan, editor/co-author of "Parenting Beyond Belief" and "Raising Freethinkers." http://parentingbeyondbelief.com
(Next video: "What if my child becomes religious?")

Category:

Education

Tags:

• nonreligious
• parenting
• beyond
• belief
• raising
• freethinkers
• Dale
• McGowan
• humanist
• atheist
• freethought

[PBBChannel]

Great exchange here! It really is hard to drop our screens sometimes and hear what's being said.

For the record, I do not think all views are equally valid and do not find all outcomes equally desirable. (See other videos and blog for context.) But I do trust my kids to think for themselves and will defend to the death (well, maybe to the pain) their right to do so.

It is possible to believe some outcomes are better than others and to STILL advocate freedom of conscience for my kids.

[PBBChannel]

Aack! Someone asked a great question about broken families, and I meant to hit REPLY but hit REMOVE instead! I'm sorry, please resubmit that.

[macronencer]

Hi Dale - that was me! Don't worry, I've often hit the wrong button too.

I think I was just asking whether you plan to cover broken families, and in particular, "remote parenting". This affects me personally, as I'm a "remote" father to my son, who after a divorce thankfully has a happy family life with moderately religious parents, and I'm not religious, so I have to be very aware of certain issues, if you see what I mean.

Thanks!

[PBBChannel]

Thanks for re-posting. I get similar questions all the time. It's the most important nonreligious parenting issue on which I don't say much, both because I have no experience with it myself & because sooo many variables come into play.

In talking to other nonreligious parents about this, it seems to me the best advice is similar to the mixed marriage (upcoming vid): If the split is amicable, sit down w/ex-spouse & negotiate a point-by-point agreement. (Out of chars, more later!)

[AlwaysReadTheLabel]

Dale, do you agree that as well as teaching children to make up their own minds, we should be teaching them that evidence is the best basis on which to form those opinions?

[PBBChannel]

Yes -- and this develops naturally over time through low-key follow-up questions. When a child says (to cite a recent example), "Michael Jackson's ghost appeared in his house!", simply follow up with, "Oh, why do you think that?" Don't overcorrect. Let them be wrong along the way. The thirst for right answers rather than preferred ones develops over time if the atmosphere of inquiry is there. By posing the "why" question each time, you show that the reasons for believing are worth examining.

[ahronzombi]

Dude i love you, great videos, i wish you were my parent :)

[TXatheist]

Yes, if my son says a god is real I will simply have a discussion about it if he wishes. It will help him understand both sides.

[eastariel]

It's a parent's responsibility to help make the homeland safe by maintaining the best of old traditions (such as America's family farms), dissipating prejudice, protecting human rights, and supporting freedom.

[ZombieCobain]

I liked the book. Nice essays from Julia Sweeney, Richard Dawkins, etc.

[artzishlomo]

Telling the child to compare Grandma's view on Jesus with your own is unbalanced because while you qualify your statement as personal opinion, Grandma will not. You have to also preface wit with a discreditation of Grandma (problematic) and say that even if she tells you something is truth, it may not be (you see the problem).

[5curiously]

Yes, but you didn't answer the question. Would you allow your son to "make up his own mind" even if he decided God was real?

[TXatheist]

5curious, well, someone told my son that god was not a real person like buddha and I didn't argue. I would have told my son god is not like buddha but like santa...and I didn't.

[5curiously]

Perhaps it would have been clearer to say that he refuses to condone existence of absolutes. It's either/or logic. Either absolutes exist or they don't.

[5curiously]

Relativism: Belief in changeable standards. Right & wrong, truth and falsehood are not absolute.

Dale says: "BUT, ...It is possible to believe some outcomes are better than others and to STILL advocate freedom of conscience. "

Dale is still saying that his kids are free to choose and re-choose their own truth, whether he agrees with them or not. And he does not use "wrong, incorrect, or false" to describe alternate views, just "less desirable" or "better".

[5curiously]

So we've come full circle. If you agree with Dale, you would have to allow a kid of yours to 'make up his own mind' even if it contradicted you. Somehow I don't think you'd allow that.