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  1. Concentric Circles Emanating From Glowing Red Dot

  2. Response To Opinions Of Our Uninformed Viewers

  3. Tell-All Book Reveals Wrestling Fans Are Fake

  4. World's Oldest Neurosurgeon Turns 100

  5. Ninja Parade Slips By Town Unnoticed Once Again

  6. Missing Girl Probably Raped

  7. All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash

  8. Al Qaeda Also Fed Up With Ground Zero Construction Delays

  9. Memorial Honors Victims Of Imminent Dam Disaster

  10. Mean Automakers Dash Hope For Flying Cars

  11. Country Music Stars Challenge Al-Qaeda

  12. Cheadle Planned Darfur Genocide To Create Role

  13. Female Scientists Say Domestic Abuse Not Problem

  14. Beyonce Unhurt After Stray Bullet Hits Passerby

  15. Online Dating Streamlines Rejection For Women

  16. U.S. Shocked Andorra Not In Africa

  17. Device Prevents Nick Nolte From Driving

  18. 'Gays Too Precious To Risk In Combat'

  19. Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

  20. Many U.S. Parents Outsourcing Child Care Overseas

  21. Queen Will Leave Behind Long Legacy Of Waving

  22. Anonymous Hero Donates Hospital 200 Human Kidneys

  23. US Schools Trail World In Child Soldier Aptitude

  24. Army Holds Annual Bring Your Daughter To War Day

  25. China Celebrates Status As Number One Polluter

  26. Reporters Blow Up Plane, Expose Security Lapses

  27. '9/11 Conspiracy Theories Ridiculous' - Al Qaeda

  28. Christian Charity Helps To Feed Non-Gay Hungry

  29. Plight Of Missing Hikers Will Make Great Movie

  30. Messages From Our Troops To The Families They Can't Remember

  31. Suspicious Package Industry Falls On Hard Times

  32. 'Iron Man' Trailer To Be Made Into Feature Film

  33. Human Head Found In Hamburger

  34. Time Releases List Of Least Influential Americans

  35. Newsroom : 80 Percent Of Roommates Got So Drunk Last Night

  36. Tired Of Traffic? New DOT Report Urges Drivers: 'Honk'

  37. Report - 70 Percent Of All Praise Sarcastic

  38. A Friend's Cancer, Good For Your Health?

  39. Gap Unveils New 'For Kids By Kids' Clothing Line

  40. Blockbuster Offers Glimpse Of Movie Renting Past

  41. Horrific Crash A Sad Reminder Of Princess Diana

  42. Reporter In Helicopter Pretty Sure Landslide Down There

  43. Newsroom : New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less

  44. Genetic Scientists Develop Sheep With Goat Brain

  45. Newsroom : Warcraft Sequel Lets You Play A Character Playing Warcraft

  46. High School Tonys Honor Nation's Drama Club Nerds

  47. Most Children Not In Favor Of Child Healthcare

  48. Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass'

  49. Sources Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted by 2013

  50. Volatile India-Pakistan Standoff In 11,680th Day

  51. Newsroom : Tiny Dog Has Been Barking Nonstop For 6 Years

  52. Domino's Tests Limits Of What Humans Will Eat

  53. Study: Alzheimer's Patients Say They Do Not Have Alzheimer's

  54. Deadly Virus Sweeping China Is Just Olympic Fever

  55. Californians Celebrate Annual Wildfire Tradition

  56. Hurricane Bound For Texas Slowed By Large Land Mass To South

  57. Economists Warn Anti-Bush Product Market Close To Collapse

  58. China Launches First Willing Manned Mission Into Space

  59. Meteorologists Predict Worst Autumn Ever

  60. Gifted Youngster Sells Cookies To Buy Attack Ad

  61. Barbara Bush Runs Aground Off Coast Of Maine

  62. YouTube Contest Challenges Users To Make A 'Good' Video

  63. Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Talk With Mike Greenman

  64. Bush Pardons Scooter Libby In Giant Turkey Suit

  65. China's Andy Rooney Has Funny Opinions On How Great China Is

  66. Portable Sewing Machine Lets Sweatshop Employees Work On Go

  67. Aunts, Stepdads Fight For Hot Gift: The Electric Tea Kettle

  68. Weather Channel Accused of Pro-Weather Bias

  69. Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

  70. Survivors Of Gas Station Explosion Mourn Tragic Loss Of Gas

  71. Bratz Dolls May Give Girls Unrealistic Expectations Of Head Size

  72. Kim Jong Il Announces Plan To Bring Moon To North Korea

  73. Sony Releases Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work

  74. FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful

  75. First Female Dictator Hailed As Step Forward For Women

  76. Spam Crackdown Threatens Koy4Goff's Penis Enlarger Industry

  77. Jennifer Love Hewitt Pays Magazine Millions To Run Baby Pics

  78. Hollow Point Bullets Recalled That Don't Explode In Targets

  79. Scientists Find Skeleton Of Nature's First Sexual Predator

  80. Prague's Kafka International Named Most Alienating Airport

  81. Hollow Point Bullets Recalled That Fail To Explode Targets

  82. DNA Evidence Frees Black Man Convicted Of Bear Attack

  83. Video Game Consists Solely Of Shooting People In Face

  84. Prison Economy Spirals As Price Of Pack Of Cigarettes Surpasses Two Hand Jobs

  85. More American Workers Outsourcing Own Jobs Overseas

  86. Ambassador Stages UN Coup, Issues Long List of Non-Binding Resolutions

  87. Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'

  88. Nation's Girlfriends Unveil New Economic Plan: 'Let's Move In Together'

  89. Conservatives: Sex Change Only Barrier Between Gays/Marriage

  90. US To Trade Gold Reserves For Cash Through

  91. Obama To Hold Performance Review With All American Workers

  92. U.S. Government Stages Fake Coup To Wipe Out National Debt

  93. Google Opt Out Feature Lets Users Protect Privacy By Moving To Remote Village

  94. Advocacy Group Decries PETA's Inhumane Treatment Of Women

  95. White House Reveals Obama Is Bipolar, Has Entered Depressive Phase

  96. Sudden Ominous Music Heard Across U.S., Nation Panicking

  97. Newsroom : Americans Observing 911 By Trying Not To Masturbate

  98. U.S. Condemned For Pre-Emptive Use Of Hillary Clinton Against Pakistan

  99. Crime Reporter Links Warehouse Fire To Depraved Sex Act

  100. Obama To Enter Diplomatic Talks With Raging Wildfire

  101. Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck

  102. Obama's Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner

  103. DEA Recruits Lil Wayne To Use Up All Drugs In Mexico

  104. VH1 Reality Show Bus Crashes In California Causing Major Slut Spill

  105. Congo Approves Economic Stimulus Package Of AK-47 For Every Citizen

  106. Biden Criticized For Appearing In Hennessy Ads

  107. Crime Reporter: Man Had Sex With Wife Thousands Of Times Before Killing Her

  108. Insidious Worm Makes Unauthorized Purchases When Computer User Is Drunk

  109. New Law Would Ban Marriages Between People Who Don't Love Each Other

  110. Denmark Introduces Harrowing New Tourism Ads Directed By Lars Von Trier

  111. Obama Caught Lip-Syncing Speech

  112. Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere

  113. Stouffers To Include Suicide Prevention Tips On Single Serve Microwavable Meals

  114. Scientists Successfully Teach Gorilla It Will Die Someday

  115. Man Attempts To Assassinate Obama, 'But Not Because He's Black Or Anything'

  116. Newsroom : Congress Announces Plan To Hide Nation's Porn From Future Generations