How To Survive an Alien Abduction

Intergalactic ambassadors of peace? More like sneaky space creeps. Live through your ordeal with these tips.

To complete this how-to, you will need:

Mental focus
Acting ability
Brawling skills
Iron will
A disease
Reinforced undergarments
Aluminum foil or hubcaps (optional)

Step 1: Use mental powers

To resist a telepathic assault, focus your mental activity against mind control by centering your thoughts on the word "no."

Use aluminum foil or hubcaps for lasting protection against brain rays.

Step 2: Fight

To resist a physical assault, act submissive and intellectually inferior. When your captor gets close enough, surprise them with your cunning and agility.

Step 3: Resist interrogation

Refuse any demands to take them to your leader. The minute you do you've gone from useful informant to cosmic snack.

Step 4: Use biological warfare

Try to contaminate your captors by sneezing, coughing, breathing, and being grody in their general direction. Aliens are notoriously susceptible to earthborn diseases.

Step 5: Fight high-tech with low-tech

To fend off the dreaded probe and other so-called scientific experiments, just slip on a sturdy pair of reinforced undergarments. For continuous protection, wear these everyday under your regular clothing. Once the aliens realize they're not getting any "scientific data" from you, you'll be released alive, and with your earthling dignity intact. Or, they'll have you as a snack.

Physicist Stephen Hawking believes aliens are almost certain to exist, and that human contact with them would be extremely dangerous.

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Category:

Howto & Style

Tags:

• aliens
• abduction
• safety
• outofthisworld
• extraterrestrials
• intergalactic
• space
• creeps

[BLaCkEdOutSWIPZ]

ahhhh so thats what i done wrong .........

i will survive my next alien attack

[thevideoman6]

How To Survive an Alien Abduction

1. Call Chuck Norris

[500mclaren]

how could that be possible there are no aliens

[DanielleandLillia]

[INSERT SMARTASS COMMENT HERE]

[Flench50]

just shoot thm and be done with it .

[madmanslullaby1]

what i dont get is that people say they know home remedies to avoiding things like vampires, werewolves, and yes, aliens. but if we've never seen them, had contact with them, or know how they look, how do we know their weaknessess and strengths?

[supermariogirl85]

They should make a more helpful one: How to Escape an Abduction by a Kidnapper/Pedophile

[CarloSubZero]

uhm.. why am i watching this?

[Mrspidey457]

thumbs up if you believe in aliens

[chelefr]

cant wait to sue them

[M2barryplusMinecraft]

just tell them to get off the F***ing plaent B****** and if they say no grab a shotgun and shoot thier D*** off