The Stages of Deafhood development

Transcript:

You know Elizabeth Kubler-Ross -- she's famous for her study of how people grieve -- when someone dies, how the grieving process goes. She identified 5 stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. I won't elaborate any further on these -- you can do a Google search and find a wealth of information on this.
Her theory can be taken and modified a bit to explain how our Deaf identity, or our Deafhood, develops. I've taken elements from Kubler-Ross, Neil Glickman (who also discussed Deaf identity development), and Genie Gertz, who also has a discussion of how Deafhood identity develops. I've taken bits from each of them and modified it here.

My conception is -- and this is just preliminary here -- it's not fully worked out yet, and I'd appreciate your feedback and ideas on how to improve on this idea -- the first step or stage of Deaf identity is Denial. We say "I'm not Deaf. I'm Hard of Hearing" or "I'm Hearing -- my family is Hearing, I'm Hearing like them, it's just that I don't hear exactly as well as they do" or "I'm not Deaf! Deaf people are inferior. It's better for me to fit in with Hearing people, after all, it's a Hearing world".

The next stage is Anger. After we realize our frustrations and struggles in trying to conform to Hearing identity and values, we totally reject the Hearing world and its values, we take off our hearing aids, we stop using our voice, become overly "militant" and "rebellious". But it is important to understand that this comes from anger, that our feelings and actions come from anger at this stage. Also important to know is that many Deaf are "stuck" in this stage, for example, those people who label everything as "HEARING-MINDED" or blindly reject a person for using SEE. Their arguments and discussion don't come from a reasoned analysis of why or how that situation has arised or exists, but just an anger against those persons or ideas that don't fit what their conception of what the "perfect Deaf person should be".

But later, we realize that Hearing people are all around us. We can't live separately from them. So we start to think on how we can live with them, but still maintain our Deaf pride and identity? We start to "bargain" on what's OK about Hearing people, and what's not OK. We think about ourselves -- what are our preferences -- "I'm Deaf, but I like music, is that a Hearing thing?". So we negotiate or bargain -- not with them, but with ourselves -- to find our personal system that works for us in our identity.
I think many of us then go through a "withdrawal" stage where we start exploring ourselves and "cool off" from that anger stage to where we can modify our thinking -- I'm not sure what the best word for this stage is, but "withdrawal" seems to fit. So we start to integrate our thinking at this point.

Finally, acceptance. "I'm Deaf, I'm proud to be Deaf, and that's who I am. There are some things about the Hearing world that I cannot accept, and I won't accept those things. Other things, I like, I accept them. If I want hearing aids, that's my decision, and I accept that for myself. If others don't want them, that's their decision. Speech -- if you want to speak or not speak, that's my personal decision. As long as you understand that this cannot be forced on me." Or Audism, that I will reject in order to assert my Deaf pride, but this is not coming from anger and my rejection is not to lash out at those who express audism. We come from a firm, loving perspective, but still wish to maintain our pride.
This is something along the lines of what I'm thinking.

Again, this is just a rough, preliminary thought process here. Your feedback on this

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• Deafhood

[deafdub]

I love this vlog. Excellent. It makes so much sense. One thing, if I may? Could I use this transcript in my blog?

[DrDonGCSUS]

@deafdub Sure, no problem! Just give credit, of course!

[Willowspinners]

Magnet's trick - turn one of your magnet opposite and try to attach to another is like we are doing for us... ~ WS ~

[DrDonGCSUS]

@Willowspinners I know what you're talking about with the magnets, but I don't understand how this applies here. Can you clarify?

[ASLeslie]

I do agree because it is important to start somewhere for those who are Deaf need a right guidance on becoming a positive cultural person, but what about the parents? They surely need some kind of help with themselves first in order to raise a Deaf child in the right way. Know what I mean?

[DrDonGCSUS]

@aslnikki I do think that Deaf of Deaf can and do go through some of these stages -- anger, bargaining (is CI OK for me or my family? Can I listen to music and still be Deaf?) and acceptance (Deafhood, not deafness).

But, I was just this morning put onto the lead of a Black identity theorist (Cross) whose model might fit a lot more closely for us than the K-R model. I'm going to check it out more closely.

[aguabo]

@aslnikki

I would agree with you on this and I plan to ask your hubby in his blog on how did his family turn out to be doing so well that his hearing parents and siblings took ASL classes. I notice most families who are immersed in cultures or came from other countries, they are more adapted to new changes and try whatever works best for the family. Me impressed.

[aguabo]

@deafmommy

Me neither, I never wished that I was hearing. When I went through anger and bargaining stages... I often thought on "What if"... Like what if my siblings are Deaf, what if I learn ASL earlier, what if they learn ASL with me. I'm already past that area and more of acceptance... I read Nikki's husband on blog "Playing Hearing" He's so fortunate that his parents support him, his siblings became terps becuz of him. Amazing!

[DeafPoet2]

Great topic and discussion! Made me think that this is a good start for parents who discovers their child/children are deaf...their first reaction in most cases are: Why? Then comes guilt, anger, denial, etc., filled in their hearts/minds. This would be great for people who's searching for help and understanding on how to deal with their new journey of how to raise their Deaf child/children in a positive way.

Again, great topic!

[deafmommy]

This is a good start for people who want to examine their deafhood. We also need to clarify some myths and urban legend about deafhood, why do people insist on thniking that it is an organization, it is a cult, it is a hearing hater group and all that..... My goodness.. I hope with this formal thing that you are working on will help make more sense..

[deafmommy]

Interesting vlog -- I never wished that I was a hearing person -- it never entered in my mind -- of course, often times I would be baffled as to why I was treated this or that way -- why some people don't understand what it is like to be deaf --- I think the anger comes from people not understanding why we don't want to be hearing like them but at the same time, some of them oppress us intentionally or unintentionally, parentalize us, and all that.

[ASLKimber]

I just did a video response to your vlog.. Great topic!