Help With My Book

Here are the samples:

1st:
Breath. Breath. In then out. Breath. In and out. Breath. That's what I told myself as the maid pulled the strings of my corset tighter together. But, of course, when one tells themselves to breath, they cannot. With each pull and each staggering breath, I came closer and closer to my impending death. Why go to all this trouble for such a small occasion? Shall I be expected to put through similar torture every time I am to to leave the house? I said as much to the maid, but she just turned her nose up at me, pivoted on her heel, and stalked out of the room, having finished her duties regarding me.

3rd:
Breath. Breath. In then out. Breath. In and out. Breath. That’s what Evelyn told herself as the maid pulled the strings of her corset tighter together. But, of course, when one tells themselves to breath, they cannot. With each pull and each staggering breath, I came closer and closer to my impending death. Why go to all this trouble for such a small occasion? Shall I be expected to be put through similar torture every time I am to leave the house? Evelyn thought. She said as much to the maid, but she just turner her nose up at me, pivoted on her heel, and stalked out of the room, having finished her duties regarding Evelyn.

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• book
• help
• OneTrueMedia
• person
• voice

[BeautyVintageRoses]

Brooke go with 1st person!!! PLEASE! lol it makes it much more relateable (like with Gemma) and you feel apart of the character more =] =D

[brookeworm3]

Yeah, that's what I was planning on doing. Thanks!

[JNKBSugarland]

Hmm I think you should do it in 1st person.

And that paragraph sounds really really great! Great job! XD

[brookeworm3]

This is great thanks!

[witchboy94]

I would go with the one that's easiest to write in! BUT if I had to choose, go with 3rd.

[brookeworm3]

Thanks

[MelinGrata]

Both are written fairly well, but I like the first better... it's clearer and more relateable, and you would get to know both characters better later on, because you could see what they're thinking and you would see the other person from both character's eyes when you switch... if that even makes sense. I'm writing a book with two main characters, too, and it's in first person, and I find it easier to explain thoughts and what the other character looks like. Have fun writing! :D

[crazyislandchick]

I'll be the one to rebel here. lol. Overall, if you want to be able to describe other people...their personalities, thoughts, emotions, lives...better, not just the main character, then 3rd person is better. I'm writing a book in 3rd person. It's a tad more difficult, but I think it gives the story more depth. That's my opinion. :)

[ximxaxstalkerx]

first

[Zanessa4ever12345]

1st it sounded better

[ELVISKINDAGAL]

You're welcome.

[brookeworm3]

Thanks!