Looking Forward, Looking Back

Forcing myself to vlog, looking at the girl I was in the videos below,
and wondering where to go from here.

To see where I am doing stuff most often you should go here...

http://maggerscupcake.polyvore.com/

Category:

People & Blogs

Tags:

• nerfighters
• dftba

[AyshaLane]

When I look back on all my old diaries from my first years of high school I just want to punch younger Aysha in the face for the following two reasons:

1. I talked lyk dis all da time n I thought it was relly cool, 4 realz

2. I spent a lot of time obsessing over guys who really weren't that nice to me, putting there names in hearts and saying they were my life and soul.

[mazzwillrocu]

@AyshaLane I get the guys thing more than anything. For some reason girls like me seem to think no one could love them and they let themselves settle and fall for jerks. I had an eye-opening expirience with heartbreak and it made me realize I don't want to be the girl who defines herself by guys.

[AyshaLane]

@mazzwillrocu So true. I think I felt the same way when I was in my first years of high school. I had little self esteem and settled for anything that paid attention to me (even if the attention included them being a jerk at times). I think a lot of girls need to realise that they shouldn't allow themselves to be defined by guys. You shouldn't need a guy to like you to feel good about yourself.

[mazzwillrocu]

@AyshaLane Oh my goodness! Self esteem is such a huge part of it. 99% of the horrible things girls today go through originate with how they think about themselves. Plus there is a huge pressure for girls to be in a relationship in today's society. So if I guy can make them feel good or even if they can make excuses for him like, "He's doign this because he loves me..." then they'll stay with that person.

[flowerfades]

Loveliness. You have it.

The differences from year to year are insane. You only grow a little bit physically, but you change significantly in how you act and in your maturity. Like, looking back on my freshman year, I was insane. haha. And I dressed badly and had a terrible haircut that I thought was pretty at the time. xD

ANYWAY, make more videos. I love and miss your face.

[mazzwillrocu]

@flowerfades I know! As a person I am proud to say I like myself inside more that I do on the outside, and I think that is a great thing. Not wanting to be cool is the real cool.

[AyshaLane]

@mazzwillrocu I know! You'd think we would be well past the "a woman's not a woman unless she has a man" thing, but so manly girls still feel/think that. Really, a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. And the thing is, all the guys that are jerks and that treat girls like crap keep doing it because girls keep allowing them to be jerks and treat them like crap.